Nighttime Struggles With My Subconsciuos... Yikes!

OMG... I had the WORST dream ever last night.... I kept trying to change it, but I couldn't. I have never had a dream like that before. In this dream, I was suicidal. Literally. It was awful. I felt so hopeless and alone... It was crazy.. just crazy.. I kept interviewing for jobs, but was incompetent, and I didn't really have a place to live.... I was trying to move, but had nowhere to go. I had children in my dream, but they weren't actually in the dream--- thank God! My friend Theresa was there visiting... and I kept begging her to stay to help me, but she said she couldn't. In the dream, I needed help from her, but I didn't trust her.... she kept giving me medication that was supposed to make me feel better, but it seemed to just make me feel worse. This was the most disturbing dream that I think I have ever had.... It was insane--- I wanted to die.... I kept waking up and thinking "oh no! I'm suicidal", then I would make myself go back to sleep, but the dream kept coming back.... I remember wondering in the middle of the night if it was real or if it was just a dream.... seriously. I have had many many nightmares before, but never anything like this!!!! I woke up sweating... my head was throbbing---- it still is. Finally in early morning, Little A crawled in bed with me and I came out of it. I woke up and realized that I don't really feel this way. I never could get back to sleep though, and my head still hurts.... Crazy. I literally went insane in my sleep. Now I know how people who commit suicide must really feel. What a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE feeling!!! I see why they would want to end their lives. Thank God it wasn't real.... Today I feel fine. The sun is shining--- although it is freezing, my kids are cleaning their messes, I am having coffee on the porch... and all is well. Obviously I have some serious subconscious anxiety going on. I need to take some steps to get this under control for sure... Crazy what our brains tell us in our sleep. I wonder if these crazy dreams are the result of my trying to resolve childhood issues--- perhaps I have had too much therapy lately.. or maybe not enough... Who knows, but WOW that was an intense dream!!!! I seriously feel exhausted from it. Definitely something to bring up next week with my therapist. For now I will take a deep breath and get on with my day.... and thank God that I am alive.