Choices....

Last night I had to make a choice.... not a life changing choice or anything, but still it did not make make me happy. I had to choose between two kid related events. Last night was Skate Night for the school and also World Thinking Day for the Girl Scouts. Big A really wanted to go to the Girl Scout thing and D really wanted to go to Skate Night. It sucks to have to disappoint one child. Little A, as usual, didn't care one way or the other-- she probably would have been just as happy to go home and play with her Barbies. I decided to take them to World Thinking Day--- because it only happens once a year, and Skate Night happens two times a year. But poor D cried his little eyes out... It is weird because he can not even skate a little bit-- he doesn't have the balance for it. But he really wanted to see his school friends.... Poor D doesn't get invited to as many parties as his sister and he doesn't seem to have as many school friends either. I immediately felt like I had made a big mistake. This was one of the times when being a single parent sucks! I sometimes feel so angry that I don't have a partner to help me. Then again it was my choice to do this on my own.... but I still think I deserve to have a pity party every now and then. If they had another parent, we could have each taken the children to their respective events, and everyone would have been happy.... Oh well, as it turns out, the Skate Night thing actually ended at 7pm, so I never would have made it there anyway... I didn't even pick them up from daycare until 7!!! Another shitty thing about being a single Mom--- late hours at work. In my perfect world, I would be independently wealthy--- never have to work, able to afford a Nanny, and Be able to do everything for everybody. My world is not perfect.... but my world is better than a lot of people's so I need to shut up and be grateful for what I have. Still, I hate to disappoint my children. Because when I disappoint them, I disappoint myself.

Today will be a better day though... I am taking them to the Big Apple Circus! I am excited too! I know a lot of parents don't look forward to these types of things, but I do. I find them fun! The sounds of many happy children warms my heart. Theresa and I were talking about that the other night. Some adults find crowds of children irritating and stressful, but we both agreed that we like it. It's interesting how certain things bother some, while the same things make others happy... It is funny because Theresa is extremely OCD-- probably the most OCD person I know. She CANNOT stand anything out of place... clutter and disorganization drives her crazy. But noise and action do not phase her at all. Pixie, on the other hand, seems to get anxious when there is too much noise and chaos, and she is OCD as well. I am able to overlook both noise and mess--- I tend to tune it all out. I am also a bit OCD in certain ways. Unfortunately my ability to tune out often leads me to ignore things that need to get done-- like cleaning the house, but then again, I tend to have less anxiety. No one way is better than the other... but still it is interesting how people can be wired so differently. I guess having a healthy balance would be ideal. Anyway we all have the same goals in life--- to feel comfortable and be happy. Today I will be very busy-- basketball, a house call, Girl Scout Cookie Pickup, Circus, and then a date with Pixie.... But I think I will be happy! :)