Me And ADD......

Sometimes I just HAVE to wonder about myself.  I can forget to do the most important things, or think I did them and not have, or put off things until they are too late... or all of the above.  My head can be so screwed up at times.  I am definitely ADD, I am sure of it.  My attention goes from one thing to another quicker than a blink of an eye sometimes.  And I can never seem to finish one project before beginning another....  I thought people with ADD could multitask.  Not me.  I just found I did (or in this case didn't do) something very important.  If I did do it, I can't seem to find the information I need to show I did it, so it doesn't matter does it?!?!?!  Fortunately, this "thing", which is way too embarrassing to name, is fixable-- at least I think it is.  Well, I have just GOT to get it more together.  I keep saying I'm going to become more organized, and I keep trying, but so far every step forward I take seems to bring me two steps back.....  GRRRRRRR!!!  Okay.  Now I have vented.  I feel a bit better.  I just have to remember to fix this issue first thing tomorrow.  It is too late to do it today.  I hope my attention lasts that long!

A Beautiful Sunday....

Aw. Sunday.  A day to sleep in and rest...  For most people anyway.  Unfortunately that rule does not apply in this household.  Instead, I was awakened at 5:30 am by Little A climbing onto the couch to sleep with me.  Yes, I fell asleep on the couch last night.  It was just as well, because my bed is covered in laundry.  Anyway, she tossed and turned for a bit and kept me awake, so I sent her back to her own bed...  By 7:00 am D woke me back up by talking right into my ear... "Mom, can I get onto the computer?!?"  Not a pleasent way to be awakened.  Of course I said "NO!  Go back to bed!"  Thirty minutes later they were all up rustling around in their rooms...  Then the phone started ringing... I gave up about 8am and grudgingly got up.  Of course, I had forgotten to buy coffee yesterday when I stopped into the store after work....  This did not make me happy.  I tried to drink two cups of hot tea, but that did not do the trick, so, finally, I loaded up the kids and went up to the corner gas station to get a cup.  Now it is 11am and I am just now coming out of my "coma."

Today is an absolutely beautiful day!  I am going to spend it outside getting my yard back in line.  I have let it go ALL winter and it looks like a trash pit. I'm sure my neighbors wonder what happened to me.  I used to have, in my opinion, the best yard in the neighborhood...  But those days are long gone.  I've let it all go to Hell.  I have got to change that now.  I am over looking at the mess.  I want my pretty yard back.  I want to start planning my garden.  I want to actually have a decent garden this year.  Last year, I tried, but I had no follow-through.  This year I have to really plan properly and keep up with it.  This year will be different.  I had dinner with my friend Kim last night. She had told me at New Years that she intended to make this year her year.  Last night she said things were really looking up.  She looked much happier.  I just looked tired.  Well, the holidays and birthdays are behind me for a while, so now I can focus a bit more on making myself happier.  The first step is to get my surroundings in order.  Yes, today is going to be the day I start!  I can't wait to make a dent in it.  The good thing about having more days off this month is that I will have time to really get things in order.  Of course I will be lacking money, but I will make due with what I have and and start pinching some pennies.   If I focus on cleaning, organizing, and yard work, I can really use this time off to get some things accomplished.  Yep. That is my plan.  Okay, Ready, Set, GO..... :)

Strange Dreams....

I woke up late, but instead of getting ready for work, I am sitting her staring at the computer and trying to wake up.  I have to work today.  Not my favorite thing to do on a Saturday, but since I will be working much less int he month to come, I suppose I should manage to drag myself in and try to do my best.  I had a very intense dream.  I dreamed that I was a kid again and my brother Grayson and Gabe were with me.  This is an impossibility in reality of course because Grayson and Gabe never occupied Earth at the same time.  But in my dream they were both there and I was so excited to see them.  I was in bed at my childhood home, and I heard a noise... It was Gabe, as a little toddling baby, running down the stairs.  He was scared, and I ran down after him.  When we got to the bottom of the stairs, we stopped and I was comforting him.  Then came Grayson, still about the age he was at his death.  He was wearing a Batman mask and had no shirt on.  We both (Gabe and I) got excited to see him.  Gabe reached out his little tiny hand and touched the mask and played with Grayson's hair.  The three of us were then walking down a dark road outside-- it was night.  I don't think we were scared.  We were just walking and talking...  I don't know about what.  The dream got weirder and I went on ahead down the road.  When I looked back for them they were gone.   I went back to try to find them, but couldn't....  I can't really remember what happened after that.  It was a strange, strange dream.  But it was so vivid.  Oh, it was nice to see Grayson in my dream.  It was nice that the two brothers could be together... a least in my imagination. 

Sick Day....

Yesterday was a sick day... Both Big A and I were feeling very under the weather.  Especially Big A.... she spent the entire day puking.  Poor thing.  I didn't throw up, but I wanted too, that's for sure.  I had to call out from work.  Not a good thing after missing almost an entire week of work during to the snow recently.  I suddenly realized that my bank account is going to be taking a BIG hit starting next month... My days at work have been cut back a bit and I haven't filled them with relief days...  Well, I should look at the bright side, at least I will have more time for housecalls...  Let's hope that works to fill in the missing money.  I just bought a new washing machine (a serious necessity) and a new TV (definitely not a necessity).  I have 30 days to return the TV, so if things don't start looking up, that is just what I will be doing.   My new washer is great though!!!  I have been catching up on all my laundry the last couple of days...  Big A contributed to my washing by puking on more clothes... Yep, it cleans vomit off of pajamas!

Today I took Big A with me to work.  She behaved perfectly.  I mean perfect. She was very quiet and polite.  She spent the entire day reading, watching movies, and playing computer games.  But she did get a lesson in the use of antibiotics, as well as probiotics.  The techs were impressed with her lack of squeamishness while we were looking at the mouth tumor in a dog that I had to put to sleep.  I was really sad about that one...  Patron was his name, and 3 weeks ago he was diagnosed with nasal hemangiosarcoma...  He put up a good fight, but today he lost his battle.  Sad. Big A also got to see me take a 2.8 pound lipoma (fatty tumor) off of the butt of a very old dog.  It was quite a long (pain in the butt) surgery... but the effect was very impressive... If I do say so myself... Teehee.

I'm still not feeling 100%, but I'm much better than yesterday...  I'm gonna get to bed early tonight.  I hope.  Knowing me, I'll stay up late reading though.  Oh well, I love to read...  Goodnight.

My Bondage To Coffee....

I'm trying to wake up.  The kids are in school, and my house needs desperately to be cleaned today.  But, I stayed up way too late reading last night.... so I have got to give this coffee some time to wake me up.  Ugh.  I am reading Of Human Bondage, by W. Somerset Maugham.  Why?  Because it was one of the free books that came with my E-reader...  And now I can't seem to put it down.  Today I will stay away from it though, and will be a productive homeowner and Mom.  I hope. :) 

Yesterday I finally bit the bullet and bought a new washing machine.  It is scheduled to be delivered on Wednesday, which will be a little tricky because I am working that day.  I'm hoping that they will either deliver during lunch or in late afternoon when Marie Lynne is home with the kids....  Unfortunately, I could not schedule a delivery time...   So we will see... It makes me nervous, but I NEED a washing machine!!!!  I will work it out somehow.   I have to admit that I am very very excited to soon be able to do laundry in my own house again!  I am swearing to myself that I'm gonna stay on top of it this time... really.  I am! :)

Okay. Now I'm feeling awake and ready to work...  Let me get off this silly computer and get to it... :D

Crunk Kids... Crunk Dreams....

Well, it is Saturday.  Did I get to sleep in? NO.  Not even a little bit. In fact, I was awakened even earlier than I am on weekdays.  After sleeping to a reasonable hour all week, Little A decided to pick this day to wake up extremely early.  She came bounding, and I mean BOUNDING, into my room at 5: 50 something!  She jumped right on me and asked what she should do!  I was in the middle of a very crunk dream that needed to be finished because it was the sort of dream that sticks in your mind and can ruin the mood of the day if not properly reconciled. My answer to her was--- "GO BACK TO SLEEP!"  Obviously, she didn't obey, because a few minutes later, she came back in complaining that Big A wouldn't play with her.  I came out of my horrible dream world, and told her to leave me alone.  Then I faded back into the dream--- I remember eating a bowl full of blueberries, only to discover, as I was about to take the last bite, a fat, nasty earthworm in the bowl!  I dreamed I almost puked!  The entire dream was whack li maybe a stun gun to zap them when the bother me in the morning....   In any event, I gave up on turning my dream around, and now I am up.  Sitting here with a glassy-eyed appearance, feeling like a zombie--- the coffee is slowly bringing me back ke that...  I don't even want to go into it, because I would rather forget it... The gist of it was unrequited love, being a prisoner in a disgusting place, and being constantly chased by some unknown "thing".  Basically it was a combination of all of my most dreaded nightmares in one.  Fun.  Anyway, the children began coming into my room every 5 to 10 minutes to "ask" me questions---  basically pulling me out of my crunk dream world and into consciousness just long enough to make the dream even more disturbing when I returned to it.  Why can't these children leave me alone for more than 10 minutes at a time??????  Why can't they work out their own problems for themselves???  Why can't I have just a few minutes of privacy in a day????  I need a lock on my door (the current lock is broken), ear plugs for my ears, and maybe a stun gun to zap them when they disturb me in the mornings.  Finally I gave up on "fixing" my dream, and I got up.  Now I am sitting here with a glassy-eyed appearance, drinking some coffee.  The caffeine is slowly starting to take effect. I am trying bring myself back into  the real world.  But the going is slow.  My limbs feel heavy, and my mind keeps replaying the horrible event of my dream.  Ugh.  This is gonna be a long day. :(

Bliss...

It has been slow at work that last few days.  Painfully slow at times.  But, because of my lack of appointments, I have been able to get a lot of my online acupuncture course done.  So far, I have found it very interesting.   I have to admit, it still seems like a huge hurdle for me to jump.  I am not used to being back in "school"...  The whole concept of Chinese medicine is difficult for me to understand--- it requires a whole new way of thinking...  What I like about the course so far is that the instructors include scientific research that backs these ideas.. such as why placing a needle in a certain point will relieve pain in other parts of the body, etc.  The physiology is explained... in Western terms.  I like that.  Although, it brings back memories of vet school... yikes!  Anyway, I think I will really get something out of this course in the long run... at the very least I will get some knowledge, but I am hoping to get a skill that I can use regularly in my own practice  of veterinary medicine--- something that I can take with me and use to build my own practice. 

That reminds me...  my own practice-- not just a mobile practice, but an actual hospital.... That is what I am thinking about these days.  But when and where?  Oh yeah, and How?   These are the questions that weigh on my mind.   Mainly the where.  I know where I want to be in the long run--- at least I have a general idea... or fantasy...  But how to get myself to that place... That is the question.  I have a vision of it in my head.  A mental picture.  I suppose that is the first step.  Then there are the details... the steps that need to be taken to get from here to there.  The map that has to be worked out.  The plan that has to be made.  Right now I seem to be just caught up in the dreaming phase, but soon it will be time to start the planning stage.  Very soon.  I'm not getting any younger.  So that is what I'm gonna do.  I am going to start by brainstorming... the listing... then outlining the steps... then checking off the steps.... until I have reached my goal... my bliss.  I'm not just talking about career goals, of course.  I'm talking about life goals--- lifestyle goals...  I am ready for change.  Time to start taking the steps... no matter how small they may be at first.

Big A's Birthday Bash...

I'm tired tonight.  Today was the children's first day  back to school, and my first day back in the normal world...  Funny, I can't seem to find a thing to write about tonight.  So I suppose I won't.  I am just going to post some more pictures from the snow days and Big A's Birthday party and call it a day...  Goodnight...

It All Seems Surreal...

What a strange week this has been.  Being snowed in all week was almost surreal.  It was almost as if the whole world had stopped.  In a way it did... at least the world I'm used to.  No work, no school, no schedule...  The children enjoyed it immensely, although by the end of it all, cabin fever was definitely beginning to rear its ugly head.  I did have to go to work on Friday, but I took all the kids with me for most of the day.  Not my favorite thing to do, but they behaved very well.  I also worked Saturday, and after work, I to rush home to get ready for Big A's slumber party--- I hadn't really planned it or bought a single thing before Friday night!  Needless to say, I was extremely stressed...  And having 8 kids spending the night in my house after a week of having the kids out from school, was not my idea of fun, but it wasn't so bad.  I can say that now because it is over! :)  I made it out alive, thanks to a great deal of help from Pixie and some other friends!  I may have tied a noose around my neck had I been home alone with these 8 children at one in the morning!  They would not go to sleep!  They talked and giggled until well past 1:30am...  I think I fell asleep ont he couch before some of them.  In fact I know I did.  Wow.  That is all I can say about it.  But Big A had a great time, and that is the important thing!  She has had a very Happy Birthday week! :)

Today is the 34th anniversary of my Brother Grayson's Death.  I still think about it and feel a little sad every year.  I suppose I always will.  I don't mind.  I loved him very much, and I still miss him.  We were very very close, and I was very young when he died.  I had just turned 6 yrs old, and he was 4 months shy of his 3rd birthday.  He was my beautiful baby brother...  He waited at the door when I came home on the school bus, and followed me around everywhere I went.   I always slept in his room-- in fact, I don't even remember my own room during this time in my life.  He was sick a lot during his short little life... in and out the hospital all the time.  He loved me so much, and called me "Cole".  He used to try to sing the song "Bennie and the Jets"... he LOVED that song!  I would sing it to him and he would laugh and laugh!  I still remember so many things about my first baby brother.  I even remember his smell.  After he died, I used to sleep with one of his stuffed animals because it still smelled like him.  Why his loss is still so fresh in my heart and mind I do not know.  But that is fine.  I will always love him and I will always miss him.

I found this poem by accident as a teenager, when I was thumbing through a book of my Mom's poems.  It reminds me of my Baby Brother.  Rest in peace Grayson... You still are loved.

AMONG THE BEAUTIFUL PICTURES         
by Alice Cary

Among the beautiful pictures
That hang on Memory's wall,
Is one of a dim old forest,
That seemeth best of all;
Not for its gnarled oaks olden,
Dark with the mistletoe:
Not for the violets golden
That sprinkle the vale below;
Not for the milk-white lilies.
That lean from the fragrant ledge,
Coquetting all day with the sunbeams,
And stealing their golden edge;
Not for the vines on the upland,
Where the bright red berries rest,
Nor the pinks, nor the pale sweet cowslip,
It seemeth to me the best,

I once had a little brother
With eyes that were dark and deep;
In the lap of that dim old forest
He lieth it in peace asleep;
Light as the down of the thistle,
Free as the winds that blow,
We roved there the beautiful summers,
The summers of long ago;
But his feet on the hills grew weary,
And, one of the autumn eves,
I made for my little brother
A bed of the yellow leaves.

Sweetly his pale arms folded
My neck in a meek embrace,
As the light of immortal beauty
Silently covered his face;
And when the arrows of sunset
Lodged in the tree-tops bright,
He fell, in his saint-like beauty,
Asleep by the gates of light.

Therefore, of all the pictures
That hang on Memory's wall,
The one of the dun old forest
Seemeth the best of all.

Snowstorm 2011 Adventures....

Yesterday was fun!!!!  Being snowed in was exciting.... But we are still snowed in this morning, and I suspect we will be getting a bit stir crazy today!  I can't really complain though because I get another day off from work!  That makes me happy!!  I know my bank account won't be so happy on pay-day, but right now I'm going to try to enjoy it! :)  The kids had a BALL playing in the snow and sledding yesterday!  So did I!   Fortunately our neighbors had plenty of sleds to go around!  I have never bought sleds because typically we don't get enough snow to need them...  But already this winter we have had TWO snows... so I guess it is time to order some sleds!  It doesn't hurt to have them available if needed... 

I spent the day hangin' with the kids, and didn't get much done around the house...  Today I have got to force myself to get this place cleaned up.  I haven't even gotten the Christmas decorations put away!  I wish I could just wish them away...  I love the decorations when they are up, but I hate putting them out and putting them away!  I'm sure most people feel the same way!  Today I must get something accomplished though. 

Even the cats are getting restless... They have been fighting all morning... Sheesh!  The kids are fighting as well--- Little A scratched her Brother's neck, and D just called Big A a "smarty ass!"  He is now laying on his bedwaiting to have his mouth washed out with soap!!!  Oh joy!  It is only 10:38 am and all Hell is breaking loose in the house!!!!   Yikes!  Will I be able to make it through the day?!?  Time to put these kids to work!!!