Healthy Heart!!!

Yesterday I took Little A to the cardiologist for a recheck and to discuss the safety of putting her on ADHD medication.  She was diagnosed with Ebstein's Anomaly and an Atrial Septal Defect shortly after her birth.  The septal defect closed on its own when she was a baby, and the Ebstein's Anomaly "miraculously" improved at her last echo cardiogram 3 years ago.  I was very happy about all of this, but the cardiologist that she had been seeing then would not remove Ebstein's Anomaly as a problem on her medical history... The issue with this is that, although she has a very healthy heart now, she will not be able to get health insurance when she is an adult due to having a "pre-existing" condition.  This year, I scheduled her appointment with a new cardiologist--- mainly because the day fit my schedule-- and I am very very glad I did.  He was extremely thorough, and it was his opinion that  Little A's tricuspid valve is within the normal range of variation, and he wrote on her record "No evidence of Ebstein's malformation or Atrial Septal defect"  This is great news because, although there may be a fight from insurance companies in the future, she has a much better chance of winning and being insurable...  Of course, our current president is working to make "pre-existing" conditions insurable, but who knows what will happen in the long run...  At least she has some hope now.  The cardiologist also assured me that Little A should well tolerate ADHD medications!  That is excellent news because she desperately needs medication... and fast!!!

I really think that getting her started on some meds will improve things for her a great deal...  Her hyperactivity has gotten considerably worse in the last year.  She can barely sit while eating dinner.  She can't even sit through a bedtime story.  She has zero impulse control.  This affects her both at home and at school.  This year has been incredibly hard for her.  She has been sent to the assistant principle a few times and has even had in school suspension... And she is only in first grade!  I'm hoping that her reading will improve as well... although it looks like she may also be dyslexic.  But at least her ability to concentrate on her school work should improve greatly.  D's life changed for the better when he started his meds...  Anyway, I am really really counting on some medication to help my little girl.  Not to mention, help her Mommy.... Having two ADHD kids in the house has about caused me to go insane... Or at least helped my insanity along a bit...

Now, if I can only get Big A's mood swings under control, and my constant depression in check... we will be good to go!!!! :)

What I've Been Reading...

I recently finished reading a book on my Nook Tablet, and I liked it so much that now I feel I must get an actual "hard" copy of it...  I wonder if this will be a recurring problem with reading e-books...  The book is called The Long Journey Home  by Margaret Robison (Mother of Augusten Burroughs), and it was well worth the read.  At least in my opinion...  It is her memoir, and, of course she mentions and defends herself against the things Augusten has written about her in his own books.  How could she not.  I have read most of Augusten's books, one of his brother, John Robison's books, and now her book...  This family fascinates me...  And makes my own family seem relatively normal...  Ha!  I am planning to read John Robison's second book very soon as well.  Anyway, her book was fascinating because she described the  episodes of psychosis she has had throughout her life so honestly and shamelessly...  Fascinating.  When I finished the book, I was actually kind of sad that it was over...  Anyway, it is worth reading...

Now I'm re reading a book that I started a year and a half ago, but never finished...  I'm not sure why I stopped reading it then, but it was good so I decided to finish it now... And , because it has been so long, I started it over... It is called Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser.  So far, it is pretty good.  The funny thing is I'm getting an entirely new feeling while reading this book this time than I got before...  Obviously I am in a different mind frame.  When I first started reading it, Pixie and I were having one of our breakups, and I was very down...  Now, I am in a much better place in my life....  Not quite as miserable as usual, haha!  So that may have something to do with it...  It has been a rough month, but I'm trying to stay focused on the positive things in my life, and realize what is and what isn't important to worry about or dwell on.  So this book seems like a good thing to read right now... 

My life... An Adventure...

Well, I'm sitting here at work on a very slow afternoon.  So slow, in fact, that I can barely keep my eyes open.  Maybe it is the weather...  It has been raining for days now.  Gloomy weather is not my friend...  My Mom went back home yesterday afternoon, and that was sad.  I really did enjoy having her visit.  I'm sure she was very ready to get out of my house full of rowdy kids, but we loved having her here.  It's funny how much easier having a second adult in the house makes things...  Just having someone to back me up when I tell the kids to get ready for bed for instance...  When they started to argue with me "Nana" would say, " your mom said to brush your teeth, and she's the boss."  I'm not sure it made them brush their teeth any faster, but it sure felt nice for someone to have my back...  It was also nice to have someone to talk to when the kids went to sleep.  Just sitting around watching TV with another adult is something that I miss sometimes...  Anyway, it was nice having the company for a while. :)  Now it is back to the "real" world. 

D went back to school for the first time after his surgery today... I didn't get any calls, so I take it that things went well.  I like days when I don't get calls from the school.  I have been getting too many calls from them lately...  It seems like every week I get a call about one of my children... Never for a good reason.  It is really actually comical how I already have just about every issue a parent can have with a child...  Pretty much you name it, and one of my kids does it...  For instance Little A has become quite the clepto, and lies every  chance she gets, D does not know the meaning of whispering and constantly complains, and Big A has absolutely no control over her emotions... constantly has mood swings and crying fits.  I use the word comical, because sometimes I just have to laugh, otherwise I would have a nervous breakdown...  I am taking steps to fix these "problems" or "issues", but it seems like every time I get one thing worked out, they come up with something else to throw my way....  Maybe God is paying me back for some terrible thing I did in a past life or something...  i don't know, but it is beginning to wear me thin...  I know that most of Little A and D's issues stem from their ADHD, but I am just not sure how to deal with Big A.  She is already going through puberty, and it looks like this puberty thing is going to be terrible.  Maybe if she starts early it will end early...  I dread the teenage years if it doesn't.  I really need to get her back into therapy.  She hasn't been since December.  I'm not sure how much it was helping, but something is better than nothing I guess...

Despite, everything though, I love my children more than anything, and I wouldn't trade being their mother for the world.  I need to just suck it up and keep on trying... maybe getting a prescription of Xanax would help... Hahaha!!  All of us need therapy.  This clan is a therapist's dream... or maybe worst nightmare.  I'm not sure which.  ;)  Well this is my life...  And it is an adventure...

D's Surgery...

Yesterday D had surgery to lengthen his Achilles Tendon.   I was a good bit nervous about having him go under anesthesia...  I have a bit of a phobia about it. Most likely because I put animals under anesthesia everyday, and I know the risks involved...  I wasn't worried at all about the surgical procedure itself, or the pain that might be involved with recovery... I was very confident in the surgeon, and I know the benefits of pain medication... But the idea of my boy going under anesthesia was really stressing me out... 

I am very happy to report though that he did just fine during the whole thing...  He recovered nicely from anesthesia, and has reported absolutely NO pain... In fact, I didn't even have to give him a single bit of his pain medication today, and he is walking around in his cast as if nothing happened!!!  His tolerance for discomfort is really amazing....  The surgeon reported that most kids who have this surgery complain of pain for up to a week after the surgery.  He refused his pain meds this morning, and says his leg feels "awesome"...  Hahaha!  I did make him take some ibuprofen tonight... just because...  I will probably give him a Lortab and some diazepam tonight so that he will rest comfortably.  I haven't been letting him walk around on his leg much, but he would if I didn't insist on him chilling out...  He is supposed to keep his leg elevated a few days to reduce swelling, etc.  But so far, so good!! 

My Mom is here to help out, because I have to go back to work tomorrow.  That has been a BIG help.  Just having her here for the company and support has made all the difference to me.  I love hanging out with my Mom...  Which is funny because most of my friends have very strained relationships with their mothers.  Of course, we have had our ups and downs, but still being around her just makes me feel happy.  And the kids are very very happy to spend time with their Nana!!! 

I came to a realization yesterday...  I have a lot of caring friends in my life.  I got a lot of texts and facebook messages wishing D well during surgery.  That was so very nice.  I realized just who I could and couldn't count on for support and a kind word.  Just a text was enough to make me feel cared for.  Nice to know who your real friends are....  Also good to know who you can't count on... 

Anyway, my boy is doing well, and I am very happy about that!!! :)

Breakfast....

I have been having the strangest dreams lately... I never wake up remembering them completely, but throughout the day I will suddenly have images of what I dreamed the night before... weird shit.  I wonder if other people get flashbacks of their dreams like that throughout the day... I don't think I've ever asked.  My dreams always involve children in some way... usually I am trying to save them from some unseen threat.  The details always vary, of course, but in every dream we are running from something or trying to get to something.  Story of my life.  I'm sure a therapist would have a lot to say about that... 

Right now Big A is making her brother and sister breakfast.   She is having fun doing it.  She is even planning the presentation of the food...   Hahaha!  I'm not sure where she got her love of "cooking".  But I am not going to complain.  Soon she will be old enough to make dinner, and I will be out of that chore.  I can't wait!!!! :)  I absolutely hate anything to do with cooking.  Of course, I'm sure I will be stuck cleaning up the mess....  Her idea of cleaning and my idea of cleaning definitely don't match...  But right now, I am just going to enjoy my coffee and relax...

Why I Am Crazy...

Let's see, here is a glimpse at some of the things that have been going on in the last two days of my life....  Yesterday at noon I got a call from the Assistant Principal telling me that Little A was in her office for trying to steal from her teacher's purse (Little A said she was only trying  to snoop through the purse...some explanation).  Now I have a conference about her behavior on Thursday.. Joy.  Last night D threw a fit because he had to finish reading a book for a book report which is due on Wednesday.... You would have thought someone was pulling out his toenails.  This morning Big A was doing something (not what she was supposed to be doing) and hit her shoulder on a corner in the hall...  She screamed so loud that I'm sure people in the next state could hear, and she proceeded to wail all the way to school (Of course, she showed me a big bruise tonight to prove that her screaming was warranted and my lack of sympathy this morning was a sign of bad parenting).  Also, tonight D wailed and moaned and cried about how horrible it was to actually write the book report that is due tomorrow....  Now they are complaining about having to take showers and criticizing my choice for dinner.  So, I am drinking a beer and writing this down...  And people wander why I am crazy....

Big A's 9th Birthday Bash....

 Despite a horrible start to the first week of 2012, this week ended full of happiness and fun!!!  I was sick and working all week, so I didn't have much time to prepare for Big A's 9th Birthday sleepover, but I pulled it off....  and she had a great time!  The fun started on Friday night when the kids and I went to dinner at my friend K's house...  She made an AWESOME dinner of grilled shrimp and crab legs!!!  Of course Big A decided that that the dinner was in honor of her... Hahaha!  Despite, my being a bit under the weather and a good bit stressed about the birthday party, I had a great time!  K and I gossiped and laughed and drank a bit too much wine... it was very very fun! :)

Saturday morning I woke up and went into stressed out party mode...  I attempted to make my house somewhat presentable, I bought party decorations, balloons, food, and got the cake... I wrapped the presents....  Basically I did everything to prepare for the party on the day of the party...  Never a good idea, but it all worked out in the end!  The sleepover was a success, although there were a few instances of heavy drama between some of the girls... And, of course, a melt down, by Big A, at one point (it was a full moon, after all, and I am convinced Big A is a werewolf..).  But, in general, the sleepover went well!  Those girls did not go to bed until 2 am (Big A actually stayed awake until after 3!!!)

Some of the mothers stayed at my house to have some drink during the party as well.  It was great to have adult company while the kids played!  Theresa came to the party too and spent the night, so I wasn't alone with all of those kids....  That was a huge help, and it was great to hang out with her again.  We haven't gotten together much in the last couple of years, and I'm glad we have reconnected.  It was a really fun party!!! 

Sunday we were all exhausted though... We spent the entire day chilling in the living room watching movies...  The weather was wet and foggy, so it was a perfect day for just vegging.  The kids and I were sorry to see Theresa leave in the evening, but, hopefully, we can all get together again soon...

I think Big A had a great 9th birthday!!!  And that makes me very very happy!!! :)




Before The Party...




Crazy Girls...



The Boys Stuck Together...



Eating Pizza...





Hammin' It Up For The Camera..




Big A's Cake....





Silly Mommy... Little A Took This...




Little A Made a "Birthday Girl" Chair For Her Sister...
Cute!!!!




Gifts!!!!!!





Big A Got A Kindle!!!!
She was Very Very Happy!!!



Friendships...

I am sooo tired today...  I had terrible insomnia last night.  My intention was to go to bed early and get a good night of sleep, but obviously that didn't happen.  I have been fighting a horrible cold all week long, and it seems to be getting worse again.  I stupidly took a non drowsy decongestant last night...  Thinking I would still be able to sleep, and not feel groggy in the morning like I do when I take NyQuil...  But I think whatever was in it just hyped me up....  I was tossing and turning until after 2:00 am...  Even when I did finally fall asleep, I did not get a good night of rest at all.  I feel like a truck hit me today...  And to make matters worse, I am at work with zero appointments for the day...  I can barely keep my eyes open. Sheesh.

I also have a million things on my mind...  Big A's birthday slumber party is tomorrow night, and my house is a wreck, I haven't bought a thing for the party, and I have dinner plans tonight that I can't (and don't really want to) cancel.  Tomorrow is also a Girl Scout meeting that I have to help lead...  Too much to do in too short of a time...  Story of my life...  Not to mention my head is stopped up and my nose is snotty...  I would give just about anything to take a nap right now... Haha! 

I had planned to get the house clean and party stuff ready at the beginning of the week while I was off work, but this cold hit me hard...  I spent Sunday, Monday, and most of Tuesday laid up in bed...  Oh well, it is what it is...  The party may have to occur in a dirty house... Kids don't care anyway.  I just hate for their parents to see the place a filth hole.   But I can only do so much.   I need to not stress about it.  I've been stressing too much lately...  I always do.  I just need to get done what I can and let the rest go....  

This week has been one of the strangest weeks...  Mostly from my own making I suppose.  As I posted before, I have recently lost two people from my life that I considered good friends, but the funny thing is that I have also reconnected with some old friends that have been out of my life for a while now.  Even stranger is that they reached out at just the moment I needed them...  Life works in mysterious ways...  It has really made me appreciate my true friendships...  Especially T.  It is funny how she always calls at just the right time.  She always has... I really am blessed with some very good friends who I can always count on to listen and accept me for who I am... not for who they want me to be.  I think that is one of the most important keys to a lasting friendship...

I don't have a huge number of close friends... I never have.  But the close friends that I do have, I am very very lucky to have in my life.  Even after times of  losing touch, we can pick up just like before... no weirdness, no drama, no manipulation, no hard feelings.  We can forgive each other for our faults and mistakes, and move on from there.  No grudges or spite or games... 

So today, even though I am tired, sick, and pretty stressed, I am very very thankful for my true, lasting friendships.

Tomorrow Will Be Better...

It is funny how quickly things can change... How emotions can screw things up... Especially between women.  I have lost two friends recently... both times over uncontrolled emotions.  I am definitely not very good at controlling my emotions.  I keep trying to get control of my emotional self, but I have yet to figure it out.  I have tried every way I know how-- hiding my emotions, being honest with my emotions, trying to feel emotions that aren't there... you name it.  I've tried it.  And every single time I screw up.  Haha! I really have lost three friends recently--- the third being cigarettes...  That "friend" is one I need to stay out of my life, but is looming, looming, looming in the background...  That one can stay lost as far as I'm concerned.

I wonder why I am so screwed up emotionally... I am sure that part of it comes from having been raised in a violent household and losing my brother at a young age.  But, why can't I move past all of that?  Why haven't I been able to keep myself in check and just be at peace with my life? Why do I always want more than I have?  Why can't I just be satisfied with my life the way it is?  Why do I constantly have to struggle with depression?

I mean I have everything I should want... except a girlfriend, of course...  That's where one issue lies.  I always pick ones that aren't right for me, or are not available for me.  Why?   That is the question I have never been able to answer...  And why do I even need a girlfriend?  My life is fine just the way it is.   Or, at least it should be.  Well, if I can ever completely get my life organized it will be fine that is...  And relationships are so complicated... especially when kids are involved.  But still adult company sometimes would be nice...

Oh well, someday I suppose.  When your least expecting it, it will find you... that's what they say...  Although, it probably won't happen if I don't get some serious therapy and figure myself first... Maybe that should go a little bit higher on my to do list.... Haha! 

Oh well, Things are what they are, and I will just have to try and accept them...  Get on with my life...  Tomorrow will be a better day.

A Christmas Visit To Nana's....

D Sports His Golf Cap...

Nana's Poncho From High School... Still Cool!

Boy Cousins...

Girl Cousins...

D Shoots His Red Ryder...

Getting Some Tips From His Uncle...

Nana Gives Little A A Manicure...

Two Beautiful Girls...

Nana's New Doll...

Nana's House...

An Ornament I Made When I was A Kid.. :)