A Post in No Particular Order...

Okay.  So today I was talking to a friend who had a recent health scare, and she mentioned that she was going to start keeping a journal to help her reduce her stress, and I realized that this blog is sort of my journal...  Although, I admittedly edit myself sometimes, because I don't want to come across as too insane.  I do have a private journal that I write in on and off again.  That one is where I put the most whacked of my thoughts and feelings.  I haven't been writing in it lately either.  I should, and I will.  I was talking to another friend the other day about therapists... recommending one to her actually.  This therapist seems awesome, from what little experience I have with her, but I, like my friend, have run into financial constraints when it comes to therapy.  I simply can't afford it.  So I don't go.  And neither will she.  So what are us "crazy" girls to do?  Write it all down?  Read self-help books?  Ignore our issues?  Over think our issues?  Hmmm the choices seem limitless.  Well, I do think the journal idea is a good one.  Although when I am really upset or stressed or sad, I generally write down a few things and doodle on the rest of the page...  The more upset or angst ridden I am the more I doodle.  Sometime the entire page will be covered with doodle upon doodle until there is hardly any white space left.  None of the doodles are pictures... 
They are just random, meaningless designs that I don't even know I'm making.  I just get lost in thought, and they appear.  I also doodle when I am on the phone or just thinking about random stuff, but never to the extent I do when I'm upset.  Why am I writing about this?  I'm not really sure.  No reason.  I guess my journal can be filled with doodles.  I wonder if it has the same affect?  Do words get the thoughts out better than the doodling? I don't know... but that's what I do. 

Now that I've babbled about myself, let me babble about the kids.  Today was Day 3 of Summer break for the kids, and so far they have complained of boredom everyday.  Seriously.  Well, Monday and Tuesday they complained that there was nothing to do in the house, and today they complained because they had to accompany me on house calls all afternoon.  Whatever.   All I have to say is that I will be very glad when camp starts next week...  Sheesh.  Big A didn't complain, however, when she saw the money I made...  She asked "What are you going to buy with it?"  Ha!  I'm gonna pay some bills....  Money never lasts very long around here...

The kids and I have had some fun so far, though.  Last weekend was pretty nice.   Saturday the girls had a Brownie/Daisy meeting, then we went over to a little festival at a local church.  They  had a pretty cool petting zoo there.  Then in the evening we went for a little walk to the creek (I'm not even going to go into the slight catastrophe that occurred there).  On Sunday D had his last soccer game, and was very excited to get his medal.  After the game we met some friends at the neighborhood pool for a while, then had a little cook out at one of their houses.  So the weekend was actually good, despite a few "bumps" along the way.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention awards day last week!  Big A made Principal's List for the year!  Straight A's!  And D got loaded up on awards!  His favorite though was the medal he got from participating in the Adaptive Sports Program.  Unfortunately, my camera didn't want to work properly, and the pictures I took pretty much suck...  Oh well, there is always next year! :)

Dinner....

I was just thinking about how often I repeat the same words over and over again everyday... Words like "Be quiet!", "Stop", "Sit down", "Eat", "Hurry up", "Slow down", etc...  I wonder how many times a day I repeat these phrases... I should start counting.  I'm sure that it's in the hundreds...  At this very moment, Big A and D are playing charades while their sister finishes her dinner.  I am sure that when I go back in the room, I will find that Little A has made very little progress with her eating.  She has now informed me that she hates spaghetti...  Too bad, because I make it all the time.  Why do kids have to be so picky?  She is definitely my pickiest eater.  Obnoxious, that's what it is.

Ha!  I started this post last night...  Tonight we went to Maddio's Pizza for a school thing.  Instead of food issues, I had disappearing kid issues...  Always issues.  I told the kids on the way up there that if they didn't behave, they would not get to go to the yogurt place next door.  Well, what do you think happened?  Of course they didn't behave.  Well, Big A behaved, it was just the other two that were the problem.  They were doing okay until I told D that he could go say hello to his teacher then come right back...  He never came back.  Some kid came up to me and asked me if I had given him permission to go BEHIND the building...  NO!  I had not!  Behind the building is a gas station on a very busy road!  I went up there looking for him, and couldn't find him, so I went inside to look for him. In the mean time Little A took it upon herself to disappear as well.  I looked all over for them, and finally found them back behind the building running around with a bunch of other kids....  Needless to say I was livid.  Not only did they leave without telling me, but they could easily have been kidnapped or hit by a car.  Only Big A got frozen yogurt.  D proceeded to throw a fit about that, and we had to leave.  Little A didn't put up a fuss about not getting anything, I think she was afraid I might kill her when she got home...  Why can't I ever have one meal in peace?  That is my question.

It is no wonder I am single, and will probably always remain that way.  No one in their right mind would want to even attempt to take on me and this crew.  I am difficult enough by myself...  These children are way too much to ask anyone to tackle.  One of my friend's kids told his mom the other day that it was like I have six children--  Big A equals one, Little A equals two, and D equals three.  He nailed it.  I'm in way over my head, and I always will be.  I went to dinner tonight in a pretty good mood...  Then immediately had two people back to back tell me "you look tired"--- Gee thanks.  Then the night ended with yet another fit from my son.  I give up.  My good mood is gone, and I'm tired now.  Oh well another day in my life...

Nite Nite...

Well, this is not good... It is 1:30 in the morning and I am wide awake.   I'm not sure why this  happens to me so often now.  Probably all the coffee I drank today...  You would think I would learn at some point... 

It was a busy day of appointments and meetings and errands.  There just doesn't seem to be enough time to get it all done.  My mind was pretty occupied all day, so that is good.  Times like this though are when I start to think.  Thinking too much is not good for me.  So, in an attempt not to think too much, I started to clean.  And when I say clean, I mean sort..  The playroom to be exact.  That is no small feat.  And why do I even care if things in the playroom are sorted properly?  Why can't I just be satisfied that the kids have thrown things into bins and they are off the floor?  Why does it bother me so much to see Barbie clothes in the car box?  I can easily overlook the millions of stacks of papers in my "office" and the HUGE pile of laundry that is on my bed... But I can't even deal with the Polly Pockets mixed with the Littlest Pet Shoppe figures...  WTF?  Sometimes I really do make myself wonder.

So, I spent a couple of hours sorting small toys.  During my sick OCD sorting, I did discover one thing.  The 30 year old Strawberry Shortcake people from my childhood still have a smell...  Wow.  They must have some very strong, and, no doubt, harmful chemicals infused in the plastic...  Hahaha!  I must be insane, I actually sniffed the toys! 

At dinner tonight, I told D that on May 15, it will be three years since he came to America from Russia.  He looked over and very worriedly asked "Do I have to go back now?"  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...  Poor little guy.  I quickly assured him that he would never have to go back to the orphanage.  I never expected such a question from him...  Aw...  That makes me sad that he would feel the need to worry about that.  Then he proceeded to tell the girls how every day in the orphanage they ate rice.   What?  I am sure he was making that up.  Had he said soup, I would have believed him.  Or yogurt even.. But not rice. 

Then we got onto a discussion about how good the hotel breakfast selection in Russia was.  That is the biggest thing my kids remember about Russia... The hotel food!  They are right though, that was the best breakfast food I think I have ever eaten.  Possibly because the rest of our meals consisted mainly of cheese, bread and kippered herring.  We were on a tight budget, and I couldn't read the labels of items at the store...  The grocery near the hotel was sort of like a deli--- you had to wait in line and order from women behind the counter.  The women actually used abacuses to figure up the prices!  Since I could speak very little Russian and could not read the language at all, I just stuck with things that I knew... Hence bread, cheese, and kippered herring.  Also wine and milk...  At least they had wine with labels in languages I could understand..

Okay, now it is 2 am, and this is getting ridiculous!  I have got to go to bed and get some sleep.  I have to be at work at 8 in the morning.... Nite nite...

Grrrrrr...............

I am so fucking over this dog!  For a couple of months things were fine in the back yard... aside from me having to constantly keep Ella and Daisy separated for fear that they will rip each other's throats out.  I had, I thought, dog proofed most of the fence, but now that butt head has found a new place to jump.  I started to put up more chicken wire around the rest of the fence today but didn't get finished.  I just let her out and in two seconds she had jumped the fence again and run up to the front door.  One of my cats attacked her and she cringed in fear... Good I hope the damn cat whacked her good.  That dog is an idiot.  A true idiot.  She was one of the worst decisions I ever made...  I really don't have time to train her or give her the attention she deserves, or even put up with her bullshit... She is destructive, dog aggressive, an escape artist, and really not too bright.  I hate to feel this way about her, but I do.  There, I admit it.  I am a terrible person....  for crying out loud I'm a VET!  But, I am also a single mother who does not have time to deal with this beast.... Sheesh.  The kids love her... well Big A does anyway, but I am at my wits end.  Okay, now I have vented.  Do I feel better? Hmm.  I don't know.  Maybe.  No, not really....   The guilt is back.  Now I feel guilty that I hate my dog...  Maybe hate is too strong of a word, but I am beginning to dislike her very very much...  Oh well, she's lucky she's so cute.

Mother's Day 2011...

Let's see what has been going on the last few days?  Well, I've been kinda busy, kinda relaxin'... Definitely doing nothing too strenuous or stressful, and that is a very good thing... Thursday was Cinco de Mayo, so, of course, I had to get have some Mexican and a margarita with a friend!  That was fun!  There were a couple of stressful moments, like running into Pixie  at the beginning of dinner, and running into a client at the end of dinner, but the in between part was fun! 

Friday was field day at school, and I was able to attend... That was also fun, but very very loud!  The coach made us parents join in the fun by playing tug- of- war against about a billion middle school volunteers... We won, but kind of barely!  After school I got suckered into buying books for my kids at the book fair and hanging out on the playground...  We adults gossiped while the kids played...  So, basically, I spent my entire Friday at elementary school! 

Saturday was soccer... a game for Big A in the morning and a pizza party for Little A's soccer team in the afternoon...  D had a play date with a friend all day, which made him very very happy!  Later we all went to dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday-- more mexican and margaritas!  Always a good time!

And today, of course, was Mother's Day!  The kids let me sleep in until 9:00 am.  And that is pretty late in my house...  Then they all gave me the gifts they had made for me at school!  So sweet!!  We just chilled out in the morning...  I worked some in the yard while they played and occasionally tried to help.  Little A had an afternoon soccer game, and after that, we met some friends at the park.  I did buy myself a couple of presents... a bird bath I've been wanting and a couple of bushes...  Nana sent me some money for Mother's Day, so I had to use it! :)  We just chilled out this evening... ate Chinese and watched Journey to the Center of the Earth.  That was a pretty cool movie!  It was a nice, quiet Mother's Day...  No stress, no anxiety, just happy kids and a happy mom.  Perfect.