One Tired Mommy....

Ugh.  I have been so tired ALL day...  Insomnia is not my friend.  Not at all.  I have had about 8 cups of coffee today, and I still feel in a daze...  I suppose I won't be sleeping much tonight either... I've got to get all of the animals set up for the trip... clean cages, mop the bird room, change the litter boxes, etc.  Also I need to do some more laundry--- nothing new there.  Another long night.  Maybe if I keep busy, my brain won't go into overdrive again....  Nothing worse that worrying about things that can't be helped.  It makes me laugh that Big A seems to be in such a hurry to grow up.  She has NO idea how easy it is to be a kid, and how complicated it is to be an adult.  She should enjoy her childhood for as long as she can--- not a care in the world... Ah, it must be nice.

I spent most of the day running errands... Walmart, Target, Bank, Petsmart, etc....  I'm sure I forgot several things I needed because my head was in the clouds.  It might have helped to make a list.  But I forgot even to do that...  One interesting thing did happen-- at least interesting to me.  I went to the hospital where I used to work to get my last paycheck and learned that one of the clients actually wrote them a letter stating that she would no longer bring her pet there because I was gone.  Aw, that made me feel good... I should get her number and start seeing her pet at her house... :)  I do need to kick my mobile practice  back into overdrive when I get back from vacation.   I haven't even put my website back up.  I wonder why I'm such a slacker about things like that.   I've become way too much of a daydreamer lately.  I've got all the right ideas, but not the follow through these days...  Oh well, I'll clear my head at the beach, and figure it all out I suppose.  Okay, off to do some cleaning.................................................

Be Still My Head...

About twenty thousand thoughts seems to be whirling around in my brain right now...  It's late, and I should be going to sleep.  Or, if I'm not sleeping, I should be doing something productive.  Instead, I am thinking, thinking, thinking...  What am I thinking about?  I really can't say... everything and nothing all at the same time.  Mainly I'm daydreaming and stressing.  Stressing about the trip.  Stressing about my life.  Stressing about my kids.  And also I'm fantasizing about things that are not attainable.. like winning the lottery and leaving the country... Haha!  It is really quite crunk. :)  Sometimes I just have to laugh at what goes on inside my head...  Otherwise, I might be slightly frightened. Ha!

Anyway, I need to settle my mind down a bit.  It is too late to call anyone on the phone.  Normal people are all in bed.  Even my cats are sleeping... 

Tonight I took the kids to Maddio's for spirit night, and it was fun.  Well, parts of it were fun--- the parts where my kids acted up were not.  I have decided that I need a night off from children very soon.  I would like to have just one adult conversation that is not being constantly interrupted.   I wonder if that is possible?  Probably not.  Well, I guess I shouldn't complain, after all, it was sort of a school function... :)

Two more days until we leave for the beach!  I hope hope hope that this will be a restful vacation.  I really hope the weather is nicer there than it has been here this week.  I intend to spend every single possible minute out on the sand...  Well, on a towel on the sand... :)  I just hope I don't take my thoughts with me to the beach--- I want to leave them all behind for a week.  Just one week, that's all I ask.

Getting Ready...

Ah, tonight was much more peaceful than last night...  No major fights between the kids, no head wounds, no one complaining of being scared...  Just spaghetti for dinner and more of our Roald Dahl book.  Peace, that's what I like.  I am all jacked up on two cups of coffee, so I suppose I should get off this computer soon and get some more laundry folded...  Always laundry.  I thought I caught up with it the other day, but already I am falling behind again.  I wish there was a laundry fairy, a shopping fairy, a cooking fairy, and a cleaning fairy...  Ha!

Today I finally got new tires, a tune up, and an oil change.  I've been putting these things off for way too long...  Although it cost me a small fortune, I can definitely tell the difference driving it.  Tomorrow I plan to finish cleaning it out and get the thing washed and vacuumed out.  Yes, I'll get it all clean just in time to go to the beach and get it all sandy inside! :)

I have got a to-do list about a mile long to check off before we leave for the beach on Saturday...  Oops, I just realized that I need to add one more thing.... a haircut.  I desperately need a haircut-- and a color.  I have WAY too much gray hair for a person my age... It was kind of cool having a gray streak when I was in my 20's, but having a head full of gray hair at the age of 40 is not...

It will be nice to get away for a week though....  We all need a vacation.  The kids are counting down the days!  I am just looking forward to some peace.... hopefully I will get it-- there will be 3 adults and 5 children in one condo, so it might be a bit difficult to keep the peace at times.  But I think the trip will be fun! I am soooo ready to just chill out on the beach and watch the waves.  Yes, I am looking forward to that!!!!

Our Nice Evening....

There used to be a time when I thought I had my life all mapped out.  My picture perfect plan.  The goals I set, and one by one reached.  With each goal that I reached, I thought I would be closer to my happy dream life.  But then reality set in, and I realized that my perfect dream life doesn't exist.... at least I haven't found my dream life to be the perfect fairy tale life that I thought it would be.  No, my life is far from perfect, in fact it has become very complicated.  I don't think that I took into account that the perfect angelic children that I dreamed of may not turn out to be perfect or angelic after all.  Turns out that they are actually humans with their own very strong personalities and ideas about things.... who knew.  Also, I didn't take into account that my perfect career choice may not be so perfect either...  When I'm actually working (hahaha) the hours are long and stressful and cases are oftentimes heart wrenching.  And who knew that being an only parent would be so hard???  There is no one else  to help make decisions, no one else as emotionally invested in my children as me, no one else to lean on when I am frustrated and worn out, no one to give me a night off.  This is what I wanted, right?  Yes, it is what I wanted.  I am glad I have my perfect dream life, but sometimes, I wish it was just a bit easier....

Sometimes I wish that a very nice evening of reading "Charlie and the Glass Elevator" to my kids would end with me tucking them all into bed and kissing them sweetly goodnight, instead of Big A holding the door of the bathroom, and Little A busting into the bathroom, shoving her big sister's head into the wall and causing a "goose egg" knot on it.  Then me finding that my son has stolen something from my room and hidden it under his pillow...  That is not my ideal ending to a nice evening of reading...   So much for my picture perfect life.  Sheesh.

Our Supermoon Weekend....

I think I may be entering a new aspect of Motherhood that I am NOT ready for...  I think Big A is starting to show signs of pre-teendom (is that a word?).  The problem is---- she's only EIGHT!!!!  She has been so moody and glum the past few days.  Nothing seems to make her happy.  When I say something to her, she gives me that look.  That teenagerish look, like "Oh, you can't possibly know what you are talking about.... you are an adult."   She's got an attitude.  Big time.   At the school Science Night, I spoke to her teacher, who informed me that she and the Discovery teacher have been KEEPING TRACK of Big A's moodiness, and they feel that it is occurring on a MONTHLY cycle.  The have actually been marking it on a calender!  She said she could show me the pattern!  She feels that Big A is starting to show signs of PUBERTY!!!!  She's only EIGHT!!!!   I am NOT ready for that!   I have actually been fearing that this was occurring too...  She has been having to wear deodorant for about a year and a half now...  Also she is incredibility tall for her age.  She has not outward signs of puberty though, so that is good.  Still, I can't help be be worried...

Our weekend was fun, and fairly busy, despite Big A's "Supermoon Bad Attitude".   Saturday Big A had a soccer game, then we went to a block party to celebrate remaining in our school district.  It was nice putting faces with the names of all the people who fought so hard to keep our kids at their school.  After the block party, we went over to a friend's house to continue our celebration...  All the kids ran amok, while us moms chilled and had a bit of wine on the back porch.  It was very nice day.   Very fun, until the end when the kids started melting down....  I was over it after that.

Little A's Class Poster For Science/International Night

D's Class Poster

Big A's Class Poster

Sunday was pretty laid back.  Big A went to Pixie's birthday party, while I took Little A and D to their soccer games.  Both of them played very well.  I was very impressed by D's attitude this season.  Last time he played he didn't put much effort into it, but this season, he is running hard and really trying to go for the ball.  He has a great attitude out there, and although he is not quite as fast as the other boys he is doing a great job at getting in there and getting the ball away from the other team.  Little A's attitude leaves a bit to be desired--- especially towards the end of the game, but when she is on it, she's on it.  She seems to be the fastest on her team.  And she is definitely the most aggressive at getting the ball!  No surprise there.  She's still daydreaming a bit periodically throughout the game, but she's only 5...  I think as she matures a bit, she'll be an awesome soccer player. 

Little A's stamina is much better than Big A's....  Big A has asthma, and can't seem to catch her breath after running around on the field...  that is her biggest issue playing soccer (and I always forget her inhaler).  Big A has the skills, but those damn lungs of hers slow her down.  It is funny, Little A was born with a congenital heart defect, but no issues breathing whatsoever, and Big A's heart is perfectly healthy, but can't catch her breath to save her life...  Oh well, we'll figure it out....  I want some hard core soccer players in this family!  :)  I like being a "Soccer Mom!" :)

St. Patty's Day....

Big A Found This Last Weekend... Perfect Timing...

Little A Drew This For Me Yesterday....  Aw...

What a beautiful St. Patrick's Day it was...  Perfect weather.  I got to pick the children up from school and let them play on the playground for a while this afternoon--- I guess losing my job yesterday has its advantages... Ha!  It was nice though today... D had Cub Scouts this evening, and there was not the usual mad rush for me to get home, feed them, and try to get him there on time.   His meeting was outside tonight. They made pine cone bird feeders.  Very cute.  It was a very informal meeting, and all of us parents sat around laughing at our hyper little boys...  It actually really nice.

Ha.  I started this yesterday, but never finished.  My brother called me last night to encourage me to move out of Atlanta.  I don't need much encouragement in that department.  He did have some good suggestions about how to get my house on the market and sold.  Of course, he would like me to move back to Greenville-- closer to the family.  He almost had me convinced last night.  He is quite the salesman... :)  I agreed to come up sometime soon to take a look around.  We'll see... I would rather move to some nice, quiet beach side community somewhere and chill...  Ah, it doesn't hurt to dream....  Today my friend Missi emailed me to say she was trying to move to Colorado...  That is a nice thought as well...  I love it up there.  Hmmm...  maybe I will look into it! :)  Anyway, right now all of this moving business is not a possibility...  First I have to get some more business, work on my credit a bit, and get my house under control....  That's what I've been doing today---- purging things from my daughters' room....  I wonder if they will notice.  Now, back to the grind...

My Crow....

I have just been cleaning my Crow's cage.   Yes, I have a pet Crow.  His name is Medicine Crow, and I rescued him as a baby in the spring of 1994.  He is a tough old guy.  I'm not sure how long Crows live, but I hope it is forever.  One thing that always seems to surprise me about him though is just how disgusting he can make his cage....  All of my birds are messy, but Medicine Crow's cage takes the cake.  Maybe it is because he eats dog food---  I don't know....  But I just had to take a break from it...  And describe what I am dealing with... bird filth.  And dog filth. And cat filth.  Later I will certainly be dealing with children filth as well....  Ah, my life is so entertaining...

Springing Forward...

Hm.  I haven't been writing the last few days.  I'm not sure why.  There have been many funny and frustrating things that have gone on in my household that are blog worthy.  There have been terrible natural disasters that have been occurring in the world that are certainly blog worthy.  There is my usual state of angst and confusion that may or may not be blog worthy.  But I haven't blogged.  So there. And that is that.

I can't sleep (I'm still not used to springing forward I guess), so I thought I would write a bit.  I will start by recapping my weekend...  It was very busy (hectic).  Saturday D had his pinewood derby race, Big A and Little A had a girl scout meeting, and Big A had a soccer game...  ALL at the same time!  So from 9 am to 12pm I was shuffling kids around town like a mad woman....  Fortunately the girl scout and cub scout things were at the same church... But I had to leave the little ones at their respective events to run the big one to soccer, then leave her there to go back to get the little ones...  Glad no one got lost in the shuffle...  On Sunday, Little A and D had their soccer practices...  They were supposed to be at the same field, but a mix up occurred ( the field was double booked), and D's practice got moved to a different school field.  SO, I had to leave Big A at one school to watch her little sister, while I took D to another school for his practice.  I did not feel good about leaving my 8 year old to babysit my 5 year old in a public place while I spent an hour a couple of miles away with my son.  Fortunately, we had the same coach for Little A's team last season, and his wife agreed to look after them for me.  Still, I am not too happy with the YMCA right now.  Mix ups like this are not doable for single moms like me.  But I suppose that's what I get for being a single mom... Ha!  Anyway, no one was abducted or injured, and the girls behaved while I was away, so it worked out fine.  I just hope this doesn't happen again.  My nerves can't take it.  Sunday afternoon a friend came over to help me in the garden, then Pixie came over, then another friend came over... and pretty soon we were all having a drink of wine, watching 7 children play in my yard...  that led to dinner, which soon led to hyper children and stressed out mothers...  But it was really a LOT of fun!  :)  That was my weekend....

 This morning I woke up late, got the kids to school late, and felt totally exhausted all day, but I did get a few important things accomplished--- like GROCERY SHOPPING!  So there is that...  This evening I helped D with a mountain of homework...  He has a book report due on Wednesday.  He chose this book:
The Three Questions [Based on a story by Leo Tolstoy]  I love it.  It is a very sweet tale about what is important in life.  Anyway, tomorrow he has to make a puppet for his book report.  He is very excited about that!  It was actually a nice little evening we had... Tacos for dinner, and stories before bed.  I am exhausted, but for some reason I am wide awake.  Again.  Okay, I think I will try to get some sleep now... nite nite...

Just Sittin' On The Couch....

What a strange day it has been...  I started off oversleeping.  No big surprise there...  I rushed to get to an early morning Doctors meeting, that I only found out about the night before--- made it only slightly late.  Then I noticed my tire was flat when I got to work....  It has had a slow leak for some time now, but I haven't been checking it regularly the past couple of weeks.... It was almost entirely flat and very worn from driving on it that way.  The other vet I work with took a look at my tires, shook his head and laughed...  Apparently I need to buy 3 new tires immediately.  So what did I do?  Well, I called AAA, had them pump up my flat tire and put off taking it in....  So far, so good, my tire hasn't lost all its air--- I decided to take it in tomorrow before work.  Because that makes sense... When all else fails, procrastinate some more.  I suppose I will be sorry I waited if I go outside tomorrow and find that I can't go anywhere because all the air has leaked out of it again.  Ha! Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Tonight was the usual chaos.  I rushed home from work, helped D put another layer of paint on his pinewood derby car-- another thing I have been putting off.  I then ushered the kids out the door, grabbed  some fast food for them, got D to his Cub Scout meeting just in time...  The whole way there I listened to D ask questions about the pinewood derby, Little A cry for some unknown reason, and Big A complain because I said she couldn't go to some birthday party which starts before I get off work tomorrow evening (not to mention I never saw an invitation for it in the first place).  All of this noise at once...  I did what I do best, I tuned out...  After the meeting, D painted his car some more, then they all went grudgingly to bed.......  Peace at last, right?  No, in fact within the last hour, every single one of my kids has gotten out of bed for one reason or another.... 

And tonight I'm not that sleepy...  In fact, I wish I had someone to talk to.  An adult.  Yes an adult would be nice to talk to.  It would be nice to have an adult sitting right here on the couch with me--- just talking, or watching TV, or reading, or something...  Company.  Instead, I hear the kids tossing and turning in their beds, the cats fighting with each other, and the heat kicking in. Oh and now the dog is digging at her kennel.  I suppose I could turn on the TV, but I can't be bothered...  I guess I will just get a book and read myself to sleep.   The usual....  I hope I remember to get up early and take my car in for new tires tomorrow....

Two Steps Forward... One Step Back...

Okay.   Things are looking up a bit...  The school board meeting went well--- they amended the proposal and my kids WILL be staying at their school next year!!!  I am sooo relieved about that!!  I definitely think the stress I was feeling got too me though.  A couple of the mothers and I did a little too much celebrating after the meeting, and I was sick all day yesterday as a result.  I'm still not feeling great today either---  I think my immune system has failed me and I've got a little bug...  Still, I'm a least being somewhat productive today.  Also, I just sent my resume to a promising looking job--- I think one of the techs I used to work with works at this hospital, so I'm hoping to get some scoop from her later today...  My fingers are crossed. 

Now, if I can only get my animal situation under control...  I just went in to vacuum the playroom and discovered that one of the cats had peed on the rug in there.  I am over it!  I am pretty sure which cat is doing this, and I am fed up!   Why???  I am sooooo tired of having to deal with animal messes.  Between the kids and the animals I feel like I will never catch up!  Sheesh.  Oh well, sitting here bitching about it is not doing me a bit of good, so I suppose I will go in there and tackle the mess....  Maybe I'll write a more positive post later....  I need the smell of bleach to clear my mind....

Anxiety.....

Yikes...  I think I'm having a bit of anxiety attack about the School Board meeting tonight.  Tonight they will be voting about the redistricting plan...  the one where they want to send my kids to the crappy school down the street...  The one we (our neighborhood) was blindsided with just one month ago.  So tonight is the night...  I feel kind of like I'm waiting in line for my turn at the guillotine...   All day I have been full of a strange anxiety...  I have been uncomfortable inside my own skin...  I have found my mind wandering...  my body pacing...  A Just generally uncomfortable.  But soon we, as a neighborhood will get an answer.  Good or bad.  I wish it was time already.  I'm over it...  I have felt in such a strange limbo lately...  Nothing is simple or in place.  Everything is out of sync--- job, school, relationship, home, health.... everything.  Sheesh, I wish I could forget it all for a minute...  But I can't forget any of it.   It all circles in my mind at once.... 

I am soooo ready for vacation.  Despite the fact that we have no money to go, we are goin'...  Getting far far away from here!  Even if we have to eat beanie weenies every night to do it! Hahaha!  I have high hopes for this vacation.  Rest and relaxation please...  I want to forget about life for a while.   Just soak in some sun and forget....  Too bad I still have a month to wait....  Oh well, something to look forward to....

Kitchen Timers And Creeky Bones...

The timer is running... The girls have 30 minutes to clean the playroom together....  You would think that this would not be such a big deal, but I have been listening to them argue over who would do what for over an hour now.   So, I set the timer for 30 minutes and told them that if it wasn't done... They would BOTH have to lay down on their beds for an hour, no books, no toys, no nothing.... Finally some teamwork.  Well, sort of...  now Little A is yelling at her big sister to hurry....  She has no real concept of time, so she is in a bit of panic mode.  Big A seems to have more of an idea how long 30 minutes is, so is not panicking about it.   Big A is not happy about having to clean the mess left from her playdate yesterday, but as I have explained, at least one thousand times, if she has a friend over, and she fails to have that friend clean up his/her own mess, then it is HER responsibility to clean up when they leave.  At some point, perhaps, she will get this concept through her head and not allow her friends to make such big messes when they come over.....   Hmph.  Anyway, there is less arguing going on right now, so I am happy.  And, I hear the sounds of progress coming from the playroom, so I think things are getting back in order...

Meanwhile, I am having a battle with my own body.  Not the usual battle of chronic neck pain, but a much more debilitating issue.  I seem to have some very inflamed (maybe pinched?) nerve roots at the base of my neck.  For the past 4 days, my left shoulder-blade and arm has been in excruciating pain!  The outer aspect of my arm, including my hands and fingers, is throbbing and tingling.  Every time I move my arm shoulder or neck, I feel sharp pain behind my shoulder blade, and my neck is so tense and painful, that I have had a continuous headache.  I am sick of it.  I got a bit of relief on Friday when Lina hooked me up with some electro-acupuncture, but soon afterward the pain came back.   I have had this issue before-- on several occasions, but every time, it feels like the first, and I vow to take some serious action to solve this problem....  Like actually get some health insurance and GO to a doctor....  Maybe I will actually do it this time!  I am a procrastinator, and I know what they will suggest--- first an epidural, then, if that doesn't work surgery.....  YIKES.  But, honestly, if I knew it would help, I would do it.  That's the problem.  Nothing may help.  But, I suppose I won't know unless I try.....   I know I should stretch, excercise, take supplements, and eat better...  So I'm gonna start again, but I just can't seem to accept the fact that I am only 40 years old and my skeletal system is such a wreck!!!! 

Almost 5 years ago, a MRI diagnosed disc disease in 4 or my cervical vertebrae---  The words on the report said " disc disease, not consistent with patient's age"  Yes, my vertebrae, are very old before their time!!!  Why?  I know why, or at least I suspect why...  I think it is because when I was 16 years old, my drunk ass fell out of a moving car onto my face!!!!  That is called karma....   Now, 24 years later I am paying dearly for going to a party with my friends, drinking way too much vodka/orange juice and falling out of that car while fleeing from the police raid...  Yep.  It doesn't pay to be a rebellious teenager.  And also it pays to wear a seat belt!  I have worn a seat belt since that night without fail....  Oh, well.  I need to salvage what is left of my worn out skeleton instead of just sitting here in misery...   Okay, off to buy some supplements, and maybe some healthy food...  And yes,  maybe a yoga dvd-- the people at work swear this will help me...  Okay, this decrepit 40 year old body is going to attempt to get up now and get healthy.....