Adventures of Two Sisters, One Brother, and a Mom: 2008

Monday, December 29, 2008

Adventures of Broken Hearted Me....

Thank God the sun is shining today... I think that I would have gone completely insane if it had been raining again. I have got to get the kids out of the house today!!! I attempted to yesterday-- we went to IHOP for breakfast and ran a few errands, but they need to go play somewhere-- the park perhaps. We have been couped up for days... I don't have any house calls today, so it looks like it will be another long day-- just me and the kids.

Business really has been slow lately--this economy sucks. I have to sit down and look at my money situation today, and it won't be pretty. My savings is rapidly dwindling... Something has got to change. I guess I'll make it through, but I am really starting to worry. Maybe I'll buy the winning lottery ticket today! :)

I have got to get out of this funk that I am in. I need to get back into my happy place. I have made a lot of mistakes in the last few months. The biggest of which was to get involved with someone that I dated in the past. Eight years ago she broke my heart, and I have let her do it again! Talk about a moron! I knew better, but I let myself get involved anyway... I can not believe myself sometimes. The ironic thing is that I was doing just fine-- I had not dated anyone in 4 years and didn't even miss it! Yes, 4 YEARS!!! I should have remained in my happy, numb world of celibacy!!! Now I may miss having sex!!! :) But more than that, I think I will miss the feeling of being "loved"... Whatever that means. Maybe, subconsciously, I let myself make this mistake on purpose-- maybe I really have the need to suffer... In life there is always the "one" that you can never completely get over. The one that gets under your skin and never completely goes away... She was that one. I fell in love with her at first sight eight years ago. And when she broke my heart, I felt like dying. It was a very, very bad time for me. A time that I have never completely gotten over. I have never let anyone get that close since. In a way, it was good though-- I determined to get the family that I wanted no matter what, and I did. I learned that no one can really make you happy but yourself. I dealt with my depression and overcame it (sort of). I lived through it. And I am sure that I will live through it again. I wish that I had never let myself fall for her again though... Because of this, I have lost one of the only true friends that I have. My mistake. I also realized that I do miss companionship and I do miss feeling loved, and I do miss sex! :) I liked being my jaded, numb self. I wish I could get back to that place, but it probably won't happen any time soon. I will have to go through this pain and try to overcome it again. The difference this time is that I have 3 beautiful children to take care of, so I can't lose myself in heartache. I have no choice, I have to be strong and swallow my pain and take care of them.

I am really in awe of those people who are in normal, healthy relationships--especially the lesbians. I don't think that I have it in me to be in one. I always seem to fall for the wrong people, and I let the right ones go... I wonder why. I don't mean to sound like I'm having a pity party for myself, but then again, this is my blog and I can say whatever I want to in it! Since I am a control freak, it is the perfect outlet for me-- no one argues back. Of course, that may be because no one reads it! :) I do feel better now though-- although I am still crying! Maybe a good cry is just what I need right now.....

Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Lazy Saturday....

Today was a pretty laid back day. I didn't get much accomplished, but I did get quite a bit of much needed rest. Between naps, I did manage to finally clean out and vacuum my car. It was a real mess!! I would have taken it for a quick wash-- but it was drizzly all day. Maybe I'll wash it tomorrow if the weather is nice. I can't even remember the last time I washed it...

Big A got a sewing kit from Santa this year, and today she finally got to use it. She wanted to practice on something simple. She decided to make a pencil pouch. She did a great job on it. I took a picture, but later she decided to decorate it with a pocket. She is not finished- we have to get more glitter glue tomorrow for further embellishment... Apparently her brother and sister left the glue open so it dried out. She wants me to take another photo when her project is complete...

Big A's Pencil Pouch!!

The only other exciting thing happening around here today was the rousing game of "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" that we all played this evening... That game is a big hit!!! Santa did good this year....

Now, if I can only get rid of the sadness I feel, I'll be all set...

Friday, December 26, 2008

Mountain Adventures And Santa's Stress!!! Christmas 2008

It has been a really long time sine I last posted. Getting ready for Christmas has been very hectic this year. More hectic and stressful than in years past. I'm not sure why--maybe Christmas came too soon this year, maybe having 3 kids has really taken it's toll on me, maybe I am simply trying to juggle too much now...kids, work, and dating again. Maybe it is just too much for me to handle. Maybe I need to simplify some things. I think that I must simplify my life-- otherwise, I am surely heading for a nervous breakdown. I came pretty close to it yesterday... but more about that later.

Last Sunday the kids and I went up to Bryson City to ride The Polar Express!!! For the third year, we met my friend Erika and her kids for our annual train ride. This year, we stayed in a larger cabin. It was really nice... the children loved it-- 4 big screen TVs, a pool table, air hockey, and foos ball. Erika and I loved it too-- the kitchen was really nice and the place was very spacious. The weather, however, was not the best-- although the weekend was sunny, it was extremely cold!!! We about froze to death waiting for the train! We stayed two nights in the mountains. Monday night we made s'mores over the fire pit-- the kids had a great time playing with each other. Especially D and Erika's son, K. They had a lot of fun-- male bonding. We drove home Tuesday-- the day before Christmas Eve.

Foolishly, I had agreed to work at a hospital on Christmas Eve. It was only a half day, but I still could have used the time to get ready-- I didn't even start wrapping presents until Christmas Eve night. The kids came with me to work. That went pretty smoothly because this hospital actually has a playroom full of toys. The owners recently rebuilt the building after a fire and were thoughtful enough to include this space for the staff to use when they need to bring their children to work. After work, we went to the grocery to buy food for Christmas dinner... another mistake--the store was packed and I ended up not cooking dinner after all.

The night of Christmas Eve, Sheila and her kids came over to help me wrap presents. That was the third mistake-- I was extremely stressed about getting things ready, so it wasn't the most festive time. The kids were extremely hyper and excited-- they always get that way with house guests, so getting them to sleep was quite a challenge.

"Santa" ended up staying up until 5:00 am! trying to put together all of the gifts... not fun. But, the kids really enjoyed their presents and had a wonderful Christmas morning, so it was worth it. I, of course, was a complete zombie all day-- I never could get a nap in. The whole day was basically a blur for me... Big A told me that this was "the best Christmas ever!!!" I, however, was exhausted, lonely, and depressed the entire day-- Merry Christmas to me!! Definitely one of my worst Christmases ever. But the kids didn't know that, they really had a fun day-- especially because I was so exhausted that they got to destroy the house and I just sat watching...

Fortunately, I have now gotten sleep, and I have a new attitude on life. Lately things have really gotten out of control for me... I've been overwhelmed. But now is the time to simplify and get things back in control. A new year is about to begin. I need to set my priorities-- my biggest priority is my children's happiness. The last few months have been really stressful-- trying to balance my personal life, work, and my kids has really taken it's toll on me. It is time for a change.. I can't change my work situation or my kid situation (of course I don't want to change that), but I can change other stressors in my life. I simply don't have time to do it all. So I won't.

Below are some photos from our week....
On The Train To The "North Pole"

Meeting Real Cherokee Warriors...

At The Park In Cherokee Village...

Our Cabin!!!

Photos From Christmas Eve...

Christmas Morning!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Birthday Adventures And The Bees....

It has been a really nice week. My Mom came down on Tuesday to babysit the kids, so I could go out for my Birthday--yes, I'm old... The kids finished the present that they had been making me (with Nana's help). They were very cute Christmas Decorations-- A Santa House and A Beautiful Christmas Tree. They did a great job!!! Sheila took me out to a nice restaurant--I actually felt like a grownup.... She surprised me, by taking me to the restaurant where we met 8 years ago-- very sweet. We had a nice dinner and, apparently, way too much wine-- we both woke up with a bit of a hangover the next morning!!

On Wednesday, Little A had her Christmas party at school. This year, the teachers have really thrown some good holiday parties. The parents, of course, pay for them, but the teachers have really put an effort to making the parties very fun.

Then, on Thursday night, Big A and D had a Holiday Program at school!!! Originally, Big A had a speaking part in the play, but at the last minute the music teacher decided to eliminate all of the speaking parts and just have the children sing. I guess the kids just weren't learning their parts. Big A was not happy about this change-- she said she knew her part, and it wasn't fair that she couldn't say it... I told her there would be plenty of other school plays for her to speak in. She still pitched one of her infamous fits... But in the end, I think she enjoyed being in the show anyway. Both D and Big A did great!!! They looked so cute in their little bee costumes!!

Below are some photos of our week...