Back In The Blogging World...

Wow.  I guess I've taken quite a long break from writing on this blog.  This is the first time I've been on since February, and a lot has changed...   The look of the dashboard has changed a bit...  I'm not sure why I haven't written in so long.  I guess life has just been a bit too hectic... 

So I will try to sum up the last six months.  I took an acupuncture course at the Chi Institute.  That entire course took up a lot of my mental energy and my time.  I took the final exams a few weeks ago, and I am happy to report that I did well!!  All I have to do is a case study and 30 intern hours, and I will have my CVA (Certified Veterinary Acupuncturist)!  :)  We celebrated D's 9th birthday in April!!  He had a backyard camp out birthday party, which was very fun.  May was pretty uneventful, as I recall.  I cut my finger off in a lawnmower in June...  That was NOT fun, and I am still recovering from that "little mishap."  Luckily I have healed very quickly, and I am still able to perform surgery, etc.  Unluckily, I did not have insurance, and now I am in huge debt... $11,000 to be precise.  Not good.   A week after I cut off my finger, the kids and I went camping at the beach in a tropical storm... Good times.  Obviously the trip was planned before the accident, and we did not know the storm would flood the tent and we would have to sleep in the car for a couple of days...  We made the best of it though.  July was spent cramming for my test, and the beginning of August was spent getting ready to send the kids back to school...  They have been back for 3 days now, and so far they like it.  So really the last six months have just flown by like a blur....  Not the best times, but not the worst either...  Tomorrow is Little A's 7th birthday...  I guess it is as good a time as any to begin writing again.  So that's it for tonight.  Tomorrow I will really really try to post some more....   Hehe. 

Back In School...

Well, this week has been a blur of work, online classes, and studying for me...  I am really feeling the pressure with this acupuncture course I am taking.    I wasted about three weeks of it by being depressed about stupid things and situations, and busy with kid stuff--- Big A's birthday, D's surgery, etc.  So, I am working under a bit of pressure... I used to think I worked best under pressure, but I am not sure that is the case anymore.  My brain is not as focused as it once was, and concepts don't sink in like they did when I was younger... not to mention that I am having to completely relearn my way of thinking about the body and its systems to learn the theories behind TCVM...  It really is hard for me to grasp for some reason... I am obviously very ingrained in the Western way of thinking... very mechanistic...  So now I have to suspend all of what I have learned and believe about medicine, and learn this "new" way of thinking about the body... and the universe for that matter.  It will be good for me.  I just wish I wasn't going to be tested on it... Haha!

Last night Big A went to a birthday party at the house of an "ex" friend...  I say ex-friend because she told me the other day that she had no interest in being my friend any longer... to my face.  I had gone over there to try to make up, or ease tension over our "disagreement?" But she had no interest in this and told me so in no uncertain terms.  She did say that she would be "perfectly nice" to me next time she saw me though... instead of ignoring me like she has been doing...  Well, there is not much more I can say about that.  I dropped Big A off, and did not get invited in for a drink like the rest of my friends did, and when I picked her up, she was, in fact, "perfectly nice" to me just like any other mother who was a mere acquaintance would have been.  So that was that.  I am not going to lie and say that I didn't feel a bit sad and hurt by this... although I am trying not to.  I know that I have done all that I could possibly do to get back our "friendship", and the issue is not with me, it is with her... so I have no choice but to let it go, and try not to care.  But, of course I do care.  I wish I didn't, but I do.  I just have to remind myself that I still have very good friends who care about me, and this person is probably going to be someone I barely remember ten years from now....  Each time I think about it, I just have to remind myself that this situation is not one that I should worry about---  I have way way more important things to worry about in my life.  That is that.

Healthy Heart!!!

Yesterday I took Little A to the cardiologist for a recheck and to discuss the safety of putting her on ADHD medication.  She was diagnosed with Ebstein's Anomaly and an Atrial Septal Defect shortly after her birth.  The septal defect closed on its own when she was a baby, and the Ebstein's Anomaly "miraculously" improved at her last echo cardiogram 3 years ago.  I was very happy about all of this, but the cardiologist that she had been seeing then would not remove Ebstein's Anomaly as a problem on her medical history... The issue with this is that, although she has a very healthy heart now, she will not be able to get health insurance when she is an adult due to having a "pre-existing" condition.  This year, I scheduled her appointment with a new cardiologist--- mainly because the day fit my schedule-- and I am very very glad I did.  He was extremely thorough, and it was his opinion that  Little A's tricuspid valve is within the normal range of variation, and he wrote on her record "No evidence of Ebstein's malformation or Atrial Septal defect"  This is great news because, although there may be a fight from insurance companies in the future, she has a much better chance of winning and being insurable...  Of course, our current president is working to make "pre-existing" conditions insurable, but who knows what will happen in the long run...  At least she has some hope now.  The cardiologist also assured me that Little A should well tolerate ADHD medications!  That is excellent news because she desperately needs medication... and fast!!!

I really think that getting her started on some meds will improve things for her a great deal...  Her hyperactivity has gotten considerably worse in the last year.  She can barely sit while eating dinner.  She can't even sit through a bedtime story.  She has zero impulse control.  This affects her both at home and at school.  This year has been incredibly hard for her.  She has been sent to the assistant principle a few times and has even had in school suspension... And she is only in first grade!  I'm hoping that her reading will improve as well... although it looks like she may also be dyslexic.  But at least her ability to concentrate on her school work should improve greatly.  D's life changed for the better when he started his meds...  Anyway, I am really really counting on some medication to help my little girl.  Not to mention, help her Mommy.... Having two ADHD kids in the house has about caused me to go insane... Or at least helped my insanity along a bit...

Now, if I can only get Big A's mood swings under control, and my constant depression in check... we will be good to go!!!! :)

What I've Been Reading...

I recently finished reading a book on my Nook Tablet, and I liked it so much that now I feel I must get an actual "hard" copy of it...  I wonder if this will be a recurring problem with reading e-books...  The book is called The Long Journey Home  by Margaret Robison (Mother of Augusten Burroughs), and it was well worth the read.  At least in my opinion...  It is her memoir, and, of course she mentions and defends herself against the things Augusten has written about her in his own books.  How could she not.  I have read most of Augusten's books, one of his brother, John Robison's books, and now her book...  This family fascinates me...  And makes my own family seem relatively normal...  Ha!  I am planning to read John Robison's second book very soon as well.  Anyway, her book was fascinating because she described the  episodes of psychosis she has had throughout her life so honestly and shamelessly...  Fascinating.  When I finished the book, I was actually kind of sad that it was over...  Anyway, it is worth reading...

Now I'm re reading a book that I started a year and a half ago, but never finished...  I'm not sure why I stopped reading it then, but it was good so I decided to finish it now... And , because it has been so long, I started it over... It is called Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser.  So far, it is pretty good.  The funny thing is I'm getting an entirely new feeling while reading this book this time than I got before...  Obviously I am in a different mind frame.  When I first started reading it, Pixie and I were having one of our breakups, and I was very down...  Now, I am in a much better place in my life....  Not quite as miserable as usual, haha!  So that may have something to do with it...  It has been a rough month, but I'm trying to stay focused on the positive things in my life, and realize what is and what isn't important to worry about or dwell on.  So this book seems like a good thing to read right now... 

My life... An Adventure...

Well, I'm sitting here at work on a very slow afternoon.  So slow, in fact, that I can barely keep my eyes open.  Maybe it is the weather...  It has been raining for days now.  Gloomy weather is not my friend...  My Mom went back home yesterday afternoon, and that was sad.  I really did enjoy having her visit.  I'm sure she was very ready to get out of my house full of rowdy kids, but we loved having her here.  It's funny how much easier having a second adult in the house makes things...  Just having someone to back me up when I tell the kids to get ready for bed for instance...  When they started to argue with me "Nana" would say, " your mom said to brush your teeth, and she's the boss."  I'm not sure it made them brush their teeth any faster, but it sure felt nice for someone to have my back...  It was also nice to have someone to talk to when the kids went to sleep.  Just sitting around watching TV with another adult is something that I miss sometimes...  Anyway, it was nice having the company for a while. :)  Now it is back to the "real" world. 

D went back to school for the first time after his surgery today... I didn't get any calls, so I take it that things went well.  I like days when I don't get calls from the school.  I have been getting too many calls from them lately...  It seems like every week I get a call about one of my children... Never for a good reason.  It is really actually comical how I already have just about every issue a parent can have with a child...  Pretty much you name it, and one of my kids does it...  For instance Little A has become quite the clepto, and lies every  chance she gets, D does not know the meaning of whispering and constantly complains, and Big A has absolutely no control over her emotions... constantly has mood swings and crying fits.  I use the word comical, because sometimes I just have to laugh, otherwise I would have a nervous breakdown...  I am taking steps to fix these "problems" or "issues", but it seems like every time I get one thing worked out, they come up with something else to throw my way....  Maybe God is paying me back for some terrible thing I did in a past life or something...  i don't know, but it is beginning to wear me thin...  I know that most of Little A and D's issues stem from their ADHD, but I am just not sure how to deal with Big A.  She is already going through puberty, and it looks like this puberty thing is going to be terrible.  Maybe if she starts early it will end early...  I dread the teenage years if it doesn't.  I really need to get her back into therapy.  She hasn't been since December.  I'm not sure how much it was helping, but something is better than nothing I guess...

Despite, everything though, I love my children more than anything, and I wouldn't trade being their mother for the world.  I need to just suck it up and keep on trying... maybe getting a prescription of Xanax would help... Hahaha!!  All of us need therapy.  This clan is a therapist's dream... or maybe worst nightmare.  I'm not sure which.  ;)  Well this is my life...  And it is an adventure...

D's Surgery...

Yesterday D had surgery to lengthen his Achilles Tendon.   I was a good bit nervous about having him go under anesthesia...  I have a bit of a phobia about it. Most likely because I put animals under anesthesia everyday, and I know the risks involved...  I wasn't worried at all about the surgical procedure itself, or the pain that might be involved with recovery... I was very confident in the surgeon, and I know the benefits of pain medication... But the idea of my boy going under anesthesia was really stressing me out... 

I am very happy to report though that he did just fine during the whole thing...  He recovered nicely from anesthesia, and has reported absolutely NO pain... In fact, I didn't even have to give him a single bit of his pain medication today, and he is walking around in his cast as if nothing happened!!!  His tolerance for discomfort is really amazing....  The surgeon reported that most kids who have this surgery complain of pain for up to a week after the surgery.  He refused his pain meds this morning, and says his leg feels "awesome"...  Hahaha!  I did make him take some ibuprofen tonight... just because...  I will probably give him a Lortab and some diazepam tonight so that he will rest comfortably.  I haven't been letting him walk around on his leg much, but he would if I didn't insist on him chilling out...  He is supposed to keep his leg elevated a few days to reduce swelling, etc.  But so far, so good!! 

My Mom is here to help out, because I have to go back to work tomorrow.  That has been a BIG help.  Just having her here for the company and support has made all the difference to me.  I love hanging out with my Mom...  Which is funny because most of my friends have very strained relationships with their mothers.  Of course, we have had our ups and downs, but still being around her just makes me feel happy.  And the kids are very very happy to spend time with their Nana!!! 

I came to a realization yesterday...  I have a lot of caring friends in my life.  I got a lot of texts and facebook messages wishing D well during surgery.  That was so very nice.  I realized just who I could and couldn't count on for support and a kind word.  Just a text was enough to make me feel cared for.  Nice to know who your real friends are....  Also good to know who you can't count on... 

Anyway, my boy is doing well, and I am very happy about that!!! :)

Breakfast....

I have been having the strangest dreams lately... I never wake up remembering them completely, but throughout the day I will suddenly have images of what I dreamed the night before... weird shit.  I wonder if other people get flashbacks of their dreams like that throughout the day... I don't think I've ever asked.  My dreams always involve children in some way... usually I am trying to save them from some unseen threat.  The details always vary, of course, but in every dream we are running from something or trying to get to something.  Story of my life.  I'm sure a therapist would have a lot to say about that... 

Right now Big A is making her brother and sister breakfast.   She is having fun doing it.  She is even planning the presentation of the food...   Hahaha!  I'm not sure where she got her love of "cooking".  But I am not going to complain.  Soon she will be old enough to make dinner, and I will be out of that chore.  I can't wait!!!! :)  I absolutely hate anything to do with cooking.  Of course, I'm sure I will be stuck cleaning up the mess....  Her idea of cleaning and my idea of cleaning definitely don't match...  But right now, I am just going to enjoy my coffee and relax...