Last weekend, the kids and I went camping at Lake Lanier Islands Resort as part of the MEGA Family Vacation. I have to admit that it was not at all the trip that I had envisioned... The idea was for all 6 of us to go as a Family... that didn't happen. Only 4 of us went. Still as a Family, but a broken family... at least in my mind. I didn't pack efficiently or well... in fact the entire trip was clouded by sadness for me... It was so hard to meet all of these happy two-parent lesbian and gay families... Here I was a single Mother, who didn't want to be there as a single Mother... But, we did have fun, despite my sadness. I met some really great people there. Everyone was so friendly and made us feel very welcome! I was really impressed! The kids had an awesome time! The water park was excellent... I definitely want to go back. The campground was also very nice! Our campsite was the size of THREE sites.... the perfect place to camp! (Although tent camping in July probably wasn't the best idea--- HOT HOT HOT) We were right by the lake though, so that made it doable. We went in a strangers to this group, but everyone just treated us like part of the family--- that was awesome! There were so many kids, of all ages, having so much fun... It was really great. Kim and her son K came up to hang with us Sat. evening, which was great! I know she was tired and only came because I was in such a bad mental place--- that was so sweet. She has really been a good friend to me , and I am lucky to have her in my life. Hopefully, I made some new friends on this trip as well.... I tend to be a bit of a loner, and that is not good for me. I need to open up more and expand my little world.
This trip also gave me time to reflect on my life and what I want from it. There are many things I need to change within myself and I am ready to do that now. I feel a certain peace about it. Whatever the future holds, I feel like I will make it through. I am still full of confusion--- maybe even more so after this week, but I feel like I am ready to face this confusion. I am ready to make my life better. I have to deal with my demons and become a happier, stronger person. I no longer can be the broken person that I have been all of my life. I owe this to my children and I owe it to myself.
And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
--- Anais Nin
2 comments:
I am sad we didn't go.... What a strange lilt in life, but everything happens in exactly the way it is supposed to- I know you do not believe that but I do- fully.
You ARE a whole family- with or without me and Baby G.
And, despite what you thought this trip would entail, it looks like you had a good time....for that I am glad.
Growing is oftentimes very painful, but as Anais so aptly quoted, it will be more painful to stay closed.
hugs for you.
i am glad to hear you are putting yourself out there and trying! keep moving forward and never look back.
Post a Comment