In A Split Second Things Can Change....

My internet has been down for the last few days... don't ask why... just another one of my f... ups. Anyway, as you can see it is back up now. I started to post last night, but I began to feel really ill and went to bed instead. Turns out, I was running a fever--- I pretty much shivered and sweated all night last night. It was horrible. All day long, I have been getting flashbacks of my strange fever dreams.... turns out they were very very weird. Needless to say, today absolutely sucked. I overslept... of course, and had a hell of a busy day... Let's see, my first patient had a GDV( google it if you don't know what that is).... I felt so terrible all day... The hospital owner offered to let me go home early, but I felt guilty leaving him alone with such chaos going on.. so I stayed. At least the time went by fast... Then came the ride home... It was pouring rain, so there is no need to explain that traffic was a nightmare--- Altanta traffic always sucks, but in the rain it is impossible. So there I am speeding as fast as I can to get to my kids on time, when just in front of me a four car collision occurs. I slammed on the brakes and swerved to miss the accident. During this, my heart jumped up into my throat, and I visualized myself dying there on I 285.... All I could think was "OH NO!!!!" Thank God, I was able to swerve out of the way, and did not wreck, but it really jolted me... BAD. I just burst out into sobbing tears. I started to hyperventilate for a minute. That was scary! And enlightening.... I thought about my kids. They could have lost their Mom. Who would they have then? I will now admit that I have a secret fear that I will someday die on these highways... I seriously think about it daily. I am always speeding back to get them on time.... I'm always speeding to get somewhere... And I fear that one of these days my luck will run out... Tonight, however, luck was with me. I didn't wreck. But I came terribly close--- not just close to having a fender bender, but close to really losing contol of my car and doing some real damage. It was very sobering. It made me start to think. I started to think about my priorities and my responsiblilites. I realized that I have had misplaced priorities lately. I need to take care of myself and my children, and put all of my focus on that right now. I have these wonderful children to take care of. I need to slow down and focus on them and on me. I need to take care of my stuff. I need to focus on what I need. I need order in my house and peace in my life and love in my home. I need space and peace and happiness. I need change to happen now. Right now. I think my eyes were opened tonight. And like it or not I now see the things that need to be changed.