The Mud And Muck....

I am still recovering from yesterday...  Work sucked.  I don't feel like going into the details, but I will say that I wanted to walk right out of the door and not look back.  It was that bad.   I haven't had such a frustrating day in a very very long time.    The "energy" in that place was awful.  I was reading a book last night... The Celestine Prophecy... in it they were talking about people sucking the energy from other people...  That is exactly the feeling I have been talking about for the last several weeks.   My energy is getting sucked right out of my body--- stolen.  That's how it feels at the end of the day.  Sounds crazy, I know, but there is something not right going on.  Almost something evil in the air.  And I don't even believe in that stuff... I am not an expert in energy or chi or whatever you want to call it... but I can tell something is not right.  In fact something is just plain wrong.  Bad.  Dark. Evil.  The staff keeps telling me how they love my "energy"...   I do tend to go into work with a good attitude everyday--- at least outwardly I appear to have a good attitude.  I like to get things done... keep the pace moving, get my job done so I can go home and relax.  But I feel like I'm trudging through mud lately.  Nothing gets done in a timely manner.  The air is thick.  There is a cloud of doom hanging over the place.   I don't like this feeling.  I don't want to get sucked into it.  I want and must keep myself on the outside--- not get involved in the inner conflict and turmoil of that place.  

I barely have enough energy to get things taken care of in my own life....  I can't afford to get sucked dry at work.  The funny thing is that for once the conflict going on is not within me... It is from the outside.  I can plainly see it.   Because I am all too familiar with internal conflict and darkness, I think I beginning to be able to read it in others.   It is funny, I am lately looking at the world with a much clearer mind.  I know that's hard to believe, I tend to be muddled and depressed and anxious...  But in the last weeks, I have gotten some clarity about what I really want out of life...  I'm not where I want to be yet, but I am trying to take the steps necessary to get there.   I cannot afford to be dragged into the conflicts, mud, and muck of others.  I have to keep my  own energy.  Keep my own focus.   Maybe the reason I took this job was so that I could realize that I can recognize the cloud.   Maybe I should look at this situation as a refreshing change of pace--- for once the cloud is not within me....  But there is danger there....  I cannot get sucked into it.   I don't think I can be of much help here.  All that will happen if I stay for very long is that the advances I have made within myself will be overcome by this place and my energy will be sucked away even more.  The other lesson is always listen to your gut.   I didn't listen to mine, and now I am seeing my mistake.