Little A and I went back to see her pediatrician on Tuesday afternoon. The place was packed so we waited for quite a while in the lobby. Then we were taken back to an exam room to wait some more. Waiting is not one of the things that Little A does well-- of course, what 2 year old does? She was in a fairly good and hyper mood when we got to the exam room, but the good mood quickly began to fade when she saw that there were no books to read while we were waiting. Her hyper mood, however, continued. She ran back and for from wall to wall over and over again--smashing into the wall each time she made a lap. I am sure the people on the other side of the wall were pretty irritated with all the noise. I did try to get her to stop, but to no avail. She can not sit still for long at all. I tried to tell her stories, but that didn't interest her. She sang me a few songs, very loudly--all while running back and forth of course.
When the doctor finally came into the room, she immediately clammed up and stared at him suspiciously. When he asked to see in her mouth she clamped her mouth shut tightly and resisted as he tried to pry it open. I held her head tight, while he stuck a tongue depressor between her teeth ad pried her jaws open. "Wow, they are big" he said. He said on a scale from 1 to 4, her tonsils are a 4+. They are huge. So he gave me a referral to a pediatric ENT. He said they may want to scope her adenoids also, because of her snoring. He asked if I thought she was apnic, but I couldn't say, because I can never seem to stay up late enough to watch her sleep. By the time I get her to sleep I am usually so exhausted that I crash myself. Little A's appointment is the first week of November, so we'll see what he ENT thinks then. Little A was just happy when the appointment was over because she got a "pop-pop" (translation- lollipop).
Today I woke up in such a sad mood. I really can't believe that I keep running into all the problems with the adoption. Theresa says that I should really try not to let it get me down so much, just have more patience. But I am out of patience. I have basically had to put my life on hold for the last year-- every month wondering if this would be the month I would be travelling. Worried about scheduling too much work-- worrying that I might have to cancel appointments at the last minute. Early in the year I had a chance to open a vet hospital with a friend, but I backed out because I wanted to get the adoption completed and get "D" home and acclimated before I tackled any more life changing projects. Here it is, the end of the year, and nothing has happened. That is just so frustrating beyond belief. I really a so ready for this all to be over. I don't want to give up on getting "D", but I also can't go on like this for much longer. Then there is Big A-- she so wants to have a brother. She talks about him daily and looks forward to when he will come home to us. She will be so heartbroken if this doesn't happen. I am just so tired. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of hoping that each call will be the agency with some good news, tired of worrying about my paperwork expiring, tired of it all.
But I will keep on waiting, I guess. What choice do I have?
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