I'm trying to wake up and attempt to be productive this morning, but it isn't coming easy. My body feels melted into the couch. I'm moving slow today. I'm not sure I have completely gotten over the virus that got me on Thursday. My stomach still feels a bit off and my energy level is low. Of course, having no energy is nothing new for me... I seem to live in a perpetual state of sluggishness lately! Haha! I have the desire to get things done today... clean house in the am, and get out into the sun this afternoon, but my body just doesn't want to cooperate... It wants to just lie here and go back to sleep. I have been sleeping like a brick lately. I've had the strangest dreams, but for some reason I can't seem to remember them when I wake up... I'm feeling the tug of introversion also. Last evening I dropped Big A off at a friend's house for a Birthday sleepover, and it took all of my mental energy to sit down, have a glass of wine and chit chat with my friends. I was supposed to go over to see Pixie last night, but I couldn't muster up the energy to do it... all I wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep. Strange. Hopefully it is just remnants of being sick and not depression trying to creep back in. I don't feel depressed, but I do feel stressed. Stressed about finding more work, and stressed about what the future holds. I'm trying to think positively, but sometimes it gets to be a little bit more that I can take. Maybe that's why sleep is so enticing. When I'm asleep, my world is in suspension... my mind stops thinking and worrying. All is peaceful.
The other curious thing that I noticed, yet again, is that I absolutely feel physically terrible after having just one glass of alcohol now. I drank two glasses of wine at Trish's house-- and the only reason I had two was because her sister refilled my glass as soon as I had emptied it. Within five minutes, I felt terrible--- almost hung over. I can't really explain it. It is a sort of exhausted, nauseous feeling... It happens every time I take a drink now. Instead of feeling the nice relaxed buzz that I used to feel, I feel sick and want to go to bed. WTF?!?!? This has been going on for a couple of months now and really just came out of the blue. I can't figure it out. Maybe I've developed and alcohol allergy! Haha! I wonder if that is even possible. I have to say though that I am not happy about this. Not that I want to be a wino or anything, but I would like to enjoy an occasional drink with my friends now and again. The idea of it always sound good, but once I have drink, I immediately wish that I had abstained. Something is definitely going on... I just wish I knew what has caused this change in me. And I wish it would go away.
Well, enough focusing on the negative (although my Mom would think my inability to drink a positive). This day appears to be turning into a beautiful one! It is pretty freezing out right now, but the sky is blue and the sun is shining. The ground is a bit drier that yesterday, so maybe I can get some yard work in later this afternoon. It is time to start planning my garden for real. Time to clear out the weeds and get the the ground ready for the Spring. I have a problem area in the front yard--- a bed that has gone to weeds every year since the Maple tree died. I haven't been able to quite figure out what to do with it. But this year I plan to make it an edible garden.... I want to mix edible flowers,bushes, herbs, and vegetables in this space--- make it both attractive and functional at the same time. That is my plan. First I need to rid it of all the dreaded grass and weeds, then draw up some plans. The other idea I'm toying with is making the hard to mow hill in my front yard a wild flower garden. The kids may not be too happy with this idea as they often play on the hill, but it is such a pain to mow during the summer... It would be nice just to have it full of beautiful wild flowers all summer long. I think it gets enough sun to make this possible. That little project will require a lot of tilling, however, and I am not really looking forward to that. We'll see. I also need to secure my fence, so that my crazy dog will no longer be able to jump it. I have kept her tied to the front porch when she is outside, and she has RUINED my front flowerbeds. So those I will have to fix as well. Then, of course, there is the jungle that is the backyard... AND the vegetable garden to plan, as well. The amount of work that will be required to get my yard back into shape almost seems insurmountable, but it can be done. That is if I can get enough sunny days when I am not working. That seems to be the big problem. This rainy weather. I'm ready for it to end!!!! Okay, now that I have lazed around and written about it, time for me to get up off my butt and DO something about it! :)
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