I have just been having a bit of a nervous breakdown. Things could be worse, and I know this. But I wish things were better. I keep waiting for them to get better, but one thing after another seems to keep piling up. I have been trying so hard to keep myself in a positive space lately. It just seems as if things keep happening to challenge my positive outlook. Not that my outlook is even entirely positive.... but honestly, I have been trying... Really, I have. My mind keeps going back to something I read recently... Here is the quote: “Do you understand, sir, do you understand what it means when you have absolutely nowhere to turn?” (Marmeladov, remembered by Raskolnikov)
I keep hearing it... I keep feeling that way. I have nowhere to turn and no one to turn to when it comes to my responsibilities as a Mother. Just myself. And that is a lot of pressure....
Okay.... It started this post yesterday evening and never finished it. I went to bed early, overslept, got my kids to school late... But I feel somewhat better today. Not as gloom filled. So that is a good thing. I have two job interviews on Wednesday. Maybe something will come out of those. I feel like I can be pretty productive in the house today, and the weather is beautiful outside.... I think I will open the windows and let in some fresh air... Hopefully, this afternoon I can get out in the yard and get something done outside as well... No sense freaking out again like I did yesterday... I just need to take one day at a time and focus on the positive! Yes, today is beautiful! And I will focus on that! :)
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