Yes, I Am Still Here...

I got a comment from someone noting that I have not written a post lately... I am okay... time has just gotten away from me, and my laptop was stomped on and ruined by my son, and we all came down with the Flu this week (everyone except Big A). But things are looking up... bad things come in threes, right? So first it was my laptop, then my camera broke while camping last weekend, then this Flu thing.... so I think I'm done for the week, right??? Yes, I must be... there are only 2 days left. Anyway, we are all feeling better... the kids will go back to school tomorrow, and I will, hopefully, go back to work. All will be back to normal in my little crazy household....

And my anonymous commenter also noted that I removed my last post. Yes, I did. It seems that I offended someone.... very much, by writing about them. I felt bad. I had no idea that the blog would be read by that person, so I didn't expect to offend.... but it was , and it did, so I removed the post. Sometimes I can admit that I am wrong... sometimes. I don't think I was necessarily wrong in writing about my feelings-- after all it is my blog, but I guess, maybe I should have changed the names to protect the anonymity of my subjects. I guess I will do that in the future... I already do it with the Pixie, but that is because she asked me to... I guess I forget that others might want some privacy too.... So that is why I took off the post.

Anyway, things are the way they usually are in my life... three kids running around, making messes, calling "Mommy!!!!", and fighting amongst themselves... I , as usual, am putting my foot in my mouth, saying something offensive , and generally pissing someone off... No real changes happening here. I am getting quite used to it really. I have determined that no matter how hard I try, I am going to offend someone. I am just not a good communicator. I am getting weary of trying. The good news is that my thick skin is coming back. Or is that the shell/wall??? Anyway, I am feeling less affected by all of my stumblings, I am not feeling the self imposed guilt that I have been feeling lately. I am beginning to see that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you can't please all of the people all of the time, or in my case, even some of the people, ever... And I am letting it go. I guess I figure, at least at this very moment, that things will all fall into place as they should be. I am just going to try living for a bit. I am just going to be me, and not worry if I don't fit into someone else's picture of what I should be, or could be. I am tired of it. I can't be someone I'm not. I am Nicole, yes that is not an pseudonym... that is my actual name. And I am who I am... I can be a bitch, I can be lacking in the self control department, but I can also be caring, loving, kind, and understanding. I can even be very very fun... or so I've been told. But I am a human. And humans are not perfect. I am not going to try to be perfect. I am just going to be me. I am not going to beat myself up about my imperfections... they are a part of me. And I frankly don't give a shit what others think. At least I don't at this very moment in time. Right now I am satisfied with being me. And loving me. If others don't choose to love me for me, then that is their loss. Anyway, tonight I am pretty content. I am feeling much better-- the fog of sickness has lifted. I had fun shopping for Halloween costumes this evening with my kiddos. We had a great meal together. And we had fun reading ghost stories before bed... so far no one has woken with bad dreams... so that is a plus. Tonight I really enjoyed being a Mommy. I remembered why I became a Mom. It was a choice, or maybe a calling, who knows... but for the most part I like doing kid things with my kids. I really really do. I love those guys. :)