A New World.....

I want to post some photos, but right now I just don't have the energy... I am sooo tired tonight. I really need to go to bed, but my mind is not ready to rest.... too many thoughts. It was not a good day. No need to go into the details. Just a bad day all around... although the weather was absolutely beautiful. All day I went around with a knife sticking in my heart.... at least that is how I felt. That tight chested feeling.... heart beating fast.. anxiety. My hands were shaking and my mind was wandering, and I just couldn't get it together. Just a sad day... But, when I picked up my children from aftercare, I felt sooo much better. I felt safe. Funny how the kids who so often drive me crazy, can also calm me down. I just wanted to hug and kiss them all... and smell their little heads and tell them that they are the best thing that I have ever done. They are my reason. They look to me for safety and love. They think of me as all knowing--- except when Big A is in one of her argumentative moods.... They don't see my flaws. They just love me unconditionally. And I love them unconditionally. And I always will. They make me feel safe and warm and home. I hope I make them feel that way... When I'm sad, they make me laugh--- it is very entertaining to listen to them recount the events of their day... I really wish that I could again see the world through a child's eyes. It seems like it is so colorful and animated and new and clean... Yeah, now I'm babbling... Maybe my mind is finally winding down. Maybe I can get some sleep now. Maybe I'll try to remember what a new, fresh, clean world feels like.... Maybe I'll have some good dreams tonight.