Adventures of Two Sisters, One Brother, and a Mom: Valentine's Boxes.... Everywhere!!!

This morning I went to Big A and D's school to help the class make Valentine Boxes. they have a party on Thursday, but I won't be able to attend because I'm working. Big A always complains that other parents come to school for these events, but I don't. I really wish that I could. I work out of town every Thursday and Friday, so there is no way I can sneak away to get to the parties. Sometimes I can get my Mom to come to town fro big events-- like Thanksgiving Lunch at school, etc. When Theresa was living nearby, she would go to some of these parties, but, still, I wish it could be me. There are a lot of things that I wish I could do for my kids that I can't. At least by helping make the boxes, I can sort of be part of their school valentine's celebration.

Today I really realized how envious I am of two parent households. Well, I have always secretly been envious, but I have never really admitted it out loud. I always say how I don't need anyone, and I can do it all on my own-- and I can... after all I have been doing it for the last 6 years on my own. But, now I really realize what I have been missing-- or at least I got a glimpse of what it might be like to have a "partner". I really like being in control of the decision making process for my kids--no discipline conflicts, etc... But, I really think it would be nice to share family events with another parent... you know, have someone who feels the same love for my children as I do, also someone who I can lean on in times of stress. Someone who loves me for me and loves my children too. I almost said a "real" family, but I stopped myself because I do have a real family. I just think that it would have been nice to have a life partner too. I know that I chose to start my family alone, and I am glad I did-- otherwise I doubt I ever would have had children. If I had waited to meet my soul mate, fall in love, get married, etc., I would still be waiting. I would still be childless. So I am glad I had my kids the way I did. I just feel the twinge of pain at what might have been... Especially now-- when it all seemed to be coming together for me. I really opened myself up to that possibility... Maybe there still will be a possibility, who knows.

I had lunch with my friend Annie today. It was nice. I was not in a good place when I got to her house, but by the end, I was feeling much better. Just sitting outside having coffee with a friend on a beautiful day can really help change the mood. I really want to find my happy place again. I know I will. It just takes time.

Cheer leading practice wasn't as bad a usual tonight... Little A and I made her Valentine Box for school. I covered the box and she decorated it herself-- it turned out very cute! I took pictures with my phone, but I'll have to post them later. After that I did homework with D--- he did a much better job concentrating tonight! He really has improved on his counting, too! I was so proud of him! I was actually able to ignore the knot in the pit of my stomach for a while tonight.