Adventures of Two Sisters, One Brother, and a Mom: Must Be A Full Moon...

Monday, February 9, 2009

Must Be A Full Moon...

Well, I started to write a funny post about my kids and how they drive me absolutely crazy, but a phone conversation that I just had ruined that. No more lighthearted mood for me... Too bad, I really needed to blow off some steam by poking fun at myself. Now, instead, I am going to have a good old fashioned cry and feel sorry for myself... Crazy, just crazy. The good thing is that I think that I am starting not to care anymore. I am realizing that what I want to happen with my relationship just isn't. And there is nothing that I can do about it. It really makes me sad, though. I finally opened myself up to the possibility, but it doesn't seem to be working out the way I had hoped it would. It is a shame. I really hoped things would work out-- I guess part of me still does, but it is becoming quite clear that these issues will not be resolved. It just shouldn't be so hard.

Tonight I was told that I was being cold and aloof... And I was. I didn't mean to be, but I guess I just felt that way. I realized when I was told that, that I may be getting some of myself back. Some of the hard, heartless me that I know and feel comfortable with. I know, that is not a good thing... I am well aware that I have serious issues, but these past few months I have felt scared, and lost, and lonely. I have felt so vulnerable and alone. I really need to get back the strong, independant me that I have been for so long. If this relationship is indeed over, will I be able to open myself up to a new one? I don't know. I really wanted, and still want, this one to work. But, hey, at least I tried. I will have some good memories from it.

Anyway, now I'm depressing myself, so I better change the subject...

Here are some photos from my weekend with the kids....