Ugh. What a day!! I felt like Doctor Death today-- because all I did was euthanize pets. Not my favorite thing to do.... I would much rather save some lives or just simply vaccinate puppies. There is nothing sadder than watching a family agonize over their decision to put their beloved family friend to sleep. It is so hard to make that decision-- even though you know that the pet is suffering and has no real quality of life, it is still painful to make that choice for your pet.
I remember how hard it was for me to put my Doberman, Reebok, to sleep... I waited way to long. I was literally pulling him outside on a blanket (because I was pregnant with Little A, and wasn't supposed to lift him-- he was 90 lbs). I would have to express his bladder for him-- he was paralyzed. I would turn him from side to side and hold the bowl up to his face for him to eat... What kind of life was that for him? I just could not let him go. From the neck up, he was still the sweet, happy dog he always was. He ate, and licked my face, and "smiled" when I was with him. But he wasn't really happy-- he had no dignity. I was just being selfish. I just didn't want to let him go. And I am a vet for crying out loud!!! I should know better! Anyway, I finally did euthanize him. First I gave him a nice dose of Morphine-- he was feeling really good! But when I injected the euthanasia solution-- he looked up at me-- he lifted his head and looked right into my eyes. Then he laid his head back down onto my knee and he was gone. I will never forget how he looked at me-- I wonder if he knew what I was doing to him. I was helping him. That is depressing. Let me stop writing about it now...
Anyway, the rest of the day was spent running to D's Physical Therapy and Big A's cheer leading... I pulled Big A out of cheer leading practice after only 30 minutes because I suddenly felt nauseous and miserable, and the thought of sitting in there for one more minute was more than I could bare. All stress related. Obviously, I am not handling this "situation" with Sheila well at all.... This Sucks! I hate having feelings.... I really hate it.
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