Everyone's Woes...

Today is a beautiful day... It's warm and sunny and things seem to be going well in my life--aside from financial stress... So why have I been in such a bad mood? Maybe it's hormones or maybe it's just my crazy jaded mind. I'm not sure. As soon as I woke up, I felt myself in that dark mood. The kind of mood that always gets me into trouble. I feel like picking a fight with someone and feeling sorry for myself. I feel like pushing away anyone who is close to me. I know that when I'm in this mood, it is best to keep to myself-- not talk to anyone. But, as usual, I don't take my own advise-- instead I start in on whoever is too close to me. I start running my mouth-- that is what usually gets me in trouble. I have an extremely hard time communicating with people. I should say that I have a hard time talking to people about my feelings. I seem to just freeze up when the subject of emotions comes up. I have gone so long without feeling vulnerable and emotional that I don't know how to handle it. I haven't opened my heart up to anyone in so long that I'm not sure I know how. I just have no trust whatsoever in anyone. I wish that I did-- really I do, but I'm not sure that I have the ability to trust and open myself up completely to anyone. I do think that I'm a pretty good friend, but I am a terrible girlfriend. When I start to feel vulnerable, I panic and run. I never thought that I wanted to be in a relationship again-- until recently. But, already, I see myself trying to destroy the possibility of it working out. I am pulling away before I even give it a chance. Stupid me. But at least I'm consistent...

On a lighter note, the Tooth Fairy did visit Big A last night! D was not happy that he didn't have a visit and started tugging at his loose tooth to try to get it out. I had to explain that it will probably be a few weeks or longer before that tooth comes out (it is just barely loose), and when it does, the Tooth Fairy will come to see him too. He didn't feel any better-- he was still mad.