My Holland....

Lately I have been more than a bit overwhelmed by the chaos that is my life. When I planned on becoming a parent, I like everyone, had a vision of what it would be like... a plan... a story book fantasy of my life.  Of course fantasy and reality are seldom the same.  And so, I have often found myself struggling to keep my life in control and to keep my head above water.  I have been blessed with three wonderful, beautiful children, and the reality is that each of these children have issues and struggles that test me everyday.  I have been blessed with three very very "challenging" children--- each challenging in a different way.  This should be of no surprise to me, because, I am a "challenging" person myself...  But, of course, I fantasized about having three darling, perfect little angels instead of "mini-me"s...  It is okay though... I just have to breath and accept that my reality is going to be different than my fantasy.  That is not always bad.  I guess it is the challenges that make us stronger people.  I love my children more than anything in this world, and despite my fears, stress, and disappointment at having to deal with issues that I never imagined I would have to deal with, I would not change my decision to be a Mother to them.  I always have loved the essay below, and, although it is written by a Mother of a child with Down Syndrome, I think it applies to any Mother with a child who is different...

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome To Holland".
"Holland?!?" you say, "What do you mean "Holland"??? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy"
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.